Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Placement is no longer

Emilee will be moved to a different home. I don't know where, I don't know what kind of place they will find on such short notice.

The decision was made this morning by Hubby and I.

For liability reasons, we can not have her in our home. I'm sick to my stomach. I wish I could help this little girl. I know she is just testing the waters but her accusations have now escalated to outside our family. They are so ridiculously false, it's sickening. I can't/won't go into too much detail now, But what next? I can't put Hubby in that position. I can't put my fil or bil in that situation. They are my lifelines while I'm at work. Daycare will no longer accept her after she hears what the latest is. We don't get paid enough for me to completely quit my job and yet to have her in our home, that is what would have to be done. (Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be a SAHM but that's just not in the picture right now and I don't want to be FORCED to do it by a 7 yr old).

Maybe we're in foster care for the wrong reasons. I don't know anymore. What am I doing? We said from day 1 that the false accusations would be ok and we would work with the child as long as we were safe and they were safe. We no longer feel that our family is safe. We no longer feel our extended family is safe with Emilee. I can't live forever with these fears. I can't do it.

But will someone? Will Emilee EVER let someone love her?

Emilee needs help. More intense help that what we can offer in our rural setting.

I'm sad.

I don't know what they will decide with JP. We have stated that we want him to stay. We believe siblings should be together when possible..but we feel that Emilee has too many issues and JP is too impressionable at this stage of his life. He doesn't need to be exposed to her behaviors. If the sw disagrees and moves him, I wish him the best. We would like to have contact with Emilee if that is safe for JP, I guess we'll see what happens at today's meeting.


Amanda said...

I can't even imagine making this decision... my heart is breaking for all of you. I hope the meeting went well.

Yondalla said...

I can imagine it, because I made it.

I decided Ann couldn't live with us because her behavior was too difficult for Andrew and Brian.

I did not even consider taking my "Miss E" because of her history of false allegations.

I recently decided that Frankie was not safe ino our home.

And now I feel (but don't believe) that I am unworthy to offer car. I feel like I can't risk doing that to another kid. I feel that way even though I also believe I did the right thing for Frankie -- both in taking him and recommending that he go back.

Before we start care we don't know what we can handle. We learn. I don't think you are in care for the wrong reason, but you are learning where your limits are.

Do you have my number? You can call if you like.

Do let me know what happens with JP. It is so difficult knowing when to separate siblings so that one can have a stable home and when to keep them together.

FosterAbba said...

I am sorry. I wish I had something better to say, but I'm just sorry.

Trace said...

Oh, Jodi...such a hard way to start a family. You have so much strength and emotional fortitude. ((Jodi))

Mary said...

I am so sorry, Jody. I'm here if you need me.

It doesn't mean Emilee will never find a home. Our (almost) son had been in numerous homes prior to ours; when we felt we couldn't provide the level of care he needed, he went to another home. After a few months, he was back on our doorstep because that placement fell apart. A few days later, he was placed with a young family. A little more than a year later, they finalized their adoption of him. He's still got some issues but he's got a family who loves him and can deal with the issues he has.

We've been fortunate in not having any false accusations (yet). And I honestly don't know how I would handle it. I do feel the decision to stay or leave is always dependent on the situation and the child. This decision was what is right for your family. Period.

All is not lost. You will always keep Emilee in your hearts.

Kathy said...

I'm so sorry that it had to come to this, but you guys are right to make this decision.

It really is hard to become parents via foster care adoption.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


Innocent Observer said...

What Yondalla said.

I can relate to your pain and I am so sorry that you and your family are having to make this horribly difficult decision.

I will keep you in my thoughts.


Nicki Mann said...

I am so sorry for what you're going through! And poor Emiliee... to be that young and have that much anger!
Maybe what she needs is to be an only child somewhere, in some sort of therapeutic foster home where someone would be able to supervise her 24/7 and maybe have a locking Time-Out room or something... I have heard of homes like that.
I hope you will be able to keep JP with you!

Caroline said...

That is heartbreaking for you all. Just know that there's one more set of prayers and good wishes for healing.