Thursday, June 26, 2008

I told you so

The first thing I told my therapist when I started treatment for my ED was that I was scared to death that me seeking treatment would affect our ability to adopt. Well guess what????

Last Wed (yep the day of my last post- 18th of july) I got a letter in the mail from our adoption agency. I thought to myself...oh great...what's this...our denial letter??? Guess what it was...Our denial letter! To quote part of the letter...

"Due to Jody's treatment and the difficulties your family is going thru...we find it in our best interest to close your adoption file with our agency. IF in the future you still want to adopt a child thru our organization, please feel free to contact me and we will discuss the POSSIBLITY of re-opening your file".

Give me a break! What a load of crap. The letter was filled with a bunch of untrue statments. I called them last Thursday and talked to the director. She said she would call me back this past Monday. Guess what??? She NEVER called. I called her Tuesday and Wednesday. I will be calling her again in a few minutes! UGH!!!! I'm not giving up this dream...but it is SOOOO hard to go on!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


I've been thinking a lot lately about what Mandy is going thru. (Mandy if you are reading this...please know this may be difficult for you to read sweetie!)

Eight years ago next month, my family was faced with the same type of tragedy. My twin sis found out at 28 weeks that her baby had died. She went thru labor and delivery. Her and her hubby and my parents all held "Logan". Then 4 days later, we had a small private family funeral. It was a VERY tough time for our whole family. Some days, I think infertility is a blessing. I can't imagine going thru what my sis and Mandy are having to deal with. I can understand to a point as I have been as close as possible, without it being my child. I went thru a period of HATING my sister for what SHE had done. When in wasn't her fault. No one could be "blamed". God does things for a reason. There is a reason that he called "Logan" home before we ever got to meet him. Maybe there was something "wrong" and God knew his life was better with him in heaven. I don't know why God does what he does, but I can only believe he knows what is best. We celebrate "Logan's" birthday every year. We know he is still with us in our hearts and watching over us. He is celebrating with my grandpa's in heaven now. I'm jealous that he gets to have hugs from my grandpa's and I don't. Anyways, I can't imagine losing "Logan" after he was here on earth. That would be so much more difficult (in my opinion).

I learned that just being there when my sister wanted to cry on my shoulder. Listening when she wanted to talk. Acknowleding that she did lose a child (some people don't agree with us) and that she needs time to mourn. Helping her celebrate his birthday every year. Remembering him on Memorial Day. It all matters. And just give that person a BIG HUG!!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I'm still alive

It's really been a long time this time.

JP is gone. I think about him often, but can't do anything about it so what else do I do but move on???

Emilee is at a psych hospital about 1/2 way across the state from us. She went on my birthday (how ironic).

Our niece stayed with us for 2 weeks (May 25-June 4). That was fun. She is 5 yrs old. Her sister (who is 10) will stay with us from July 5-July 18. That should be fun also, but the 10 yr old has an attitude!! Yipee!

I'm doing ok as far as my ed goes. Some days are better than others. I go back to outpatient once a week. I'm not sure how long I will continue that. If gas prices continue to climb...I will not be able to afford to drive up there for treatment. We'll see what happens.

On a sad note...please stop by No Swimmers and give her some hugs. She found out today that her twins have no heartbeats! :-( My heart is just breaking for her!