Thursday, May 31, 2007


until we get to see "our" kids. I know I shouldn't be looking at them in that way yet (afterall, we know way too well how this could go from our experience with G last Fall) but I can't help it. I received a 16 pg fax from the kids' current foster parents about their behaviors/likes/dislikes/etc and now I am even more excited to meet them. We are meeting for breakfast on Tuesday am at 9! Wow, I'm excited, scared, nervous, anxious, you name it, I'm feeling it right now.

Hubby hasn't said too much. I showed him the pics and he's like "Yeah, they are adorable". He's leaving all the details up to me. I know he's scared that we'll get them and have them for the next 2 months and they will be part of our family and then something will go wrong and we will lose them again like we lost G. I know he's got a point and I should be a little cautious, but it's hard. I guess I survived and worked thru our losses with G and if that happens, I know that someone higher up has plans for us and things will work out EVENTUALLY!

I'm thinking about getting some sort of gift for each of them when we go meet them on Tuesday. When their sw asked them about their favorite things - neither of them really mentioned any toys or anything? So now what do I do? Any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated.

So now work has slowed down a little bit for today and I've been sitting here thinking about them. (I started this post over 3 hrs ago and am just getting time to get back to finishing it). What if they don't like us? What if they hate us? I mean - we're young, we LOVE to have fun and be with family/friends but what if they absolutely do not like us? then what? Ok, I can't let myself keep thinking this way but the thoughts are crossing my mind. I know they like cats and dogs and animals...well with our cows/chickens/dog/5 grown cats/9 baby kitties and more baby kitties on the way - I hope that is enough to at least win them over for a little while! :-)

Work is piling up again so I better go.....send me those ideas to get the kids!!!!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Well I got pictures of "Emilee" and "JP" today! They are so cute. I can't wait for next week. Things are getting ironed out and we will be meeting them sometime before lunch next Tuesday! They are being told today that they will be moving to our house. I have sent off a picture of us for them to see so they can at least become familiar with what we look like. (Weather permitting) I will be taking some pics of our house and animals to send off tomorrow. I want to do whatever I can to make this transition easier for them. So much work to do and so little time! I'm just too excited to write! More later when I know more. I can't wait to share pics! This is all becoming so real! Ican't believe it!

Weekly Weigh in

Well it's been 3 weeks now. I lost 1 more pound this past week. I'm happy to be losing SOMETHING. Next week I probably won't be able to post on Tuesday as we will be picking up our new foster care/pre-adoption placement! :-) I have to stay strong next week with vacation. It's going to be a hard week to stay away from the munching! Hopefully chasing down 2 kids will keep me on the right track! :-)

Friday, May 25, 2007


Well I'll believe it when they are here but I just got a call from our cw and she told me that we have been chosen as the prospective adoptive family for the 4yr old & 6 yr old. "JP" and "Emilee". "JP" is 4 yrs old and has no diagnosis from what we are told. "Emilee" is 6 and has an attachment disorder. She has started throwing temper tantrums and wetting her pants because it gets her current fostermom in an uproar. Their complete files should be available for us sometime next week. They want them moved next week. I told cw that I prefer the end of the week because then we are on vacation and I think camping will be fun. I know my nephew would LOVE to have someone to play with while we are camping.

Pray for us that this works out. This is something that I really needed this week. It's been a long couple weeks!

She did tell me that the bio dad has re-surfaced and wants his kids. He hasn't been around since Sept 06 though and the county does not see that he is an acceptable home for the kids. At this point, we are looking at this as a foster care placment until I have solid proof in writing that it could be more. Afterall, we've been burned before and biodad TPR is sheduled for the end of July.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Well I received a call today and the birth mom due in July has chosen a family and it isn't us. I didn't have a lot of hope that we would be chosen ~not because we're not a good family~just cause it's the way our luck goes but it still was hard to fight back tears when I got the call.

Still no word about the other 2 from the other side of our state either. Kinda giving up on them too since our cw won't call me back. I'm not the kind of person who can just keep calling and calling and calling. I need to learn how to be more like that but at this point, I haven't. Boy, I've really been in the dumps the last few weeks.

The weather is not helping matters any either. It's the 24th of May and the temp is 48 degrees for cryin' out loud! Where is summer? I had to pull out some of my long sleeve winter clothes to wear to work today. It is ND but afterall - we DO get hot temps here in the summer....guess Mother Nature doesn't think it's summer yet.

On a different note, we have made plans for our vacation that starts in 8 days :-). We are going camping with my brother and his family next weekend. It should be fun. We used their camper by ourselves for vacation last year and had a blast. Hubby had never been camping before and didn't think he would enjoy it. It was his idea to see if they wanted to go this year. Then we will be at home for 1 day so we can take our "kid" (aka dog Pepper) to the vet for her shots and a haircut. Then on Tues we will leave for his sister's house and spend a few days coming home on Thurs which happens to be our 4th Anniversary!! :-) I'm excited. I think a week away from the stresses of our jobs and placement calls will do us both good.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Will we ever get any answers...

I contacted our cw about the placement call we got a couple weeks ago last Friday and again yesterday. The 6&4 yr old. I just asked "Any updates on these kids? How many families were interested? Any idea when we will hear anything more?" Her response last Friday "I'll check on it and let you know". Her response yesterday, "My supervisor and I were just talking about these kids. She will check on them and let me know and I will let you know". Well it's now been over 24 hrs AGAIN since I asked and still no response. Guess it's a good thing that i'm not really sure if we want to take them or not and I'm not overly excited. I feel so bad for feeling this way but I knew this would be how it went. Oh well.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

28 years in review

Twenty eight years ago this afternoon two of the world's best parents increased their family size from 4 to 6! I've heard many stories about the day my mom found out she was having twins to the day we were born. My mom has only 1 brother. His first child was a girl. After my parents had my brothers, my mom asked her brother how to get a girl. I won't give out the details of what he told her but after finding out she was having twins (and she didn't know it was girls until we were born) she told her brother. His reply??? "I didn't tell you to double the 'recipe'!" :-) Ha Ha.

Mom said she had mixed emotions when she found out she was having twins. There wasn't a girl born on my dad's side of the family for over 100 years and she says all she wanted was 2 boys or 2 girls - not one of each. She was worried that if she had one of each - the girl would get a lot of attention and the boy wouldn't. I don't know if that would have really happened but it's how she was feeling 28 years ago.

My sister and I were 2 days past our due date when we were born. She weighed 7 lbs 12 oz and I weighed 8 lb 10 oz. The day we were born, my dad went downtown to buy us new outfits to come home from the hospital in and he said he remembers seeing these two women walking down the street. He had some thoughts in his head and then he remembers thinking, the first guy who looks at my daughters the way I did at those two, I will.... You can figure out how a new daddy to 2 little girls probably finished that sentence. Don't get me wrong, my dad is not a weird-o but he was only in his late 20's when we were born.

Growing up with an identical twin sis had lots of ups and downs. I look back at pictures and I can't even tell us apart. On some pics, if they are not labeled, even mom and dad have a hard time knowing who was who. Memories, memories, memories!!!!!

Did you know that 28 years ago, May 22 was on a Tuesday? Cool huh? OK, enough reminiscing. Have a great day! Here's to a new year filled with many new memories and praying for my dream of being a forever mommy to come true.

Week 2 weighin

Well I am down 2 pounds!!! Hooray for me~ something good on my birthday! I am excited to see some results starting to show. I have been watching what I am eating and counting calories the best that I can. I don't know the "right" way to diet and yet what I am doing is seeming to be working so guess I will keep up with it. I need to do better on my exercising goal though. I'm not just sitting on the couch at night watching tv like I was doing but I really could be exercising more! Hopefully we will start getting nicer weather soon and that will help. High's for the rest of the week are forecast for the mid 40's lower 50's. YUCK! It's the end of May. Where's summer? Anyways, good job to everyone out there who is participating in this weigh loss challenge and keep up the good work.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Trying to come to terms....

Ok. Tomorrow is my bday and although I'm not "Old" I am having a hard time with this. I used to look forward to my bday but for some reason this year it is really bugging me. The alternative to not having a birthday is not a good one so don't get me wrong, for that reason and that reason alone, I am glad it will be here in less that 8 hours. On the other hand, I think one of my main "hang-ups" with tomorrow is that last year at this time, i received a present from my "daughter" that said TO MOMMY! This year there won't be any MOMMY gifts and that is hard to swallow. This weekend my twin sis's little boy came up to me and said "Auntie, you share your birthday with my mommy. WHY???". He was so cute about it. I tried to explain it to him and he just kept saying, "BUT WHY?"" How do explain being a twin to a 3 yr old?

When will it be my turn to have someone excited because it's their mommy's birthday? And don't tell me, my time will come cause I know that but it doesn't make it any easier to handle at this exact moment. Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Another year, come and gone and I'm really no closer to being a mommy now than I was 5 years ago. So I'm married now, and yes a licensed foster parent, and yes an approved adoption home with AASK, but nothing. We still haven't heard on the placement calls we got last week (or was it the week before, I don't remember). It doesn't help matters that today has got to be one of the boringist (is that a word?) days at work. Seems no one is in the mood to buy a car today. The weather is hot and humid with t-storms this morning. My van had a flat tire on it so had to get that fixed today. Hubby's truck comes in to the shop to get painted tomorrow....bills...bills...bills. What next.

Ok so enough of my pity party for today. Hope everyone has a good week.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Why does it always happen to us?

I swear - we have the WORST luck with vehicles and windshields! Let's not take into account that we put on 130 miles per day between the two of us (and yes at $3.199/gal of gas it is EXPENSIVE!!!!). Here's the conversation I just had with hubby...

Hubby: Busy?

Me: Nope - what's up?

Hubby: You guys fix rock chips there?

Me: Think so, why are you asking?

Hubby: Just got a HUGE chip in the windshield when a semi passed me.

Me: **HUGE SIGH***Why did you take gravel? (we can either drive 15 miles of gravel to get home or 23 miles of pavement)

Hubby: I didn't - I'm on Hwy 11.

Me: UGH!!! I'll drive the truck tomorrow and have the guys fix it.

Hubby: You know it's your fault.

Me: My FAULT!! Why? I'm at work. You're the one driving it.

Hubby: Cause I had to put gas in after work. Then I went to (insert store here) and had to pick up a few things.

Me: What did we need? I asked you on my supper break if we needed anything. I could have picked it up.

Hubby: Just stuff.

Me: Did you actually buy me a birthday card???

Hubby: Maybe. And I even wrote out a check for it. (He NEVER writes checks - always uses teh debit card). This way you can balance the checkbook and I don't have to show you what i bought.

Me: Oh ok. I'll talk to you later. Should be done by 8. Bye.

Hubby: Bye. Love you.

Anyways, At least our insurance company will pay for the chip to be fixed. We do not need any more bills right now. As for the bday card....My bday is next Tuesday and hubby has NEVER bought me a card/gift nothing! Not that I really expect it but his excuse always is "I'm too busy and you didn't remind me!" Ok, you should have stopped with just telling me Happy Birthday...the rest of your comment is what got you in trouble. On May 1, we had this conversation:

Me: Do you know what is in 22 days?

Hubby: What?

Me: This is your only reminder - Bday. And our anniversary is when?

Hubby: June 7.

Me: Good - at least you remember something. (End of conversation)

So I reminded him 1 time and he actually still remembered! I'm so proud of him! 4 years of marriage/ 6 years total together - He's learning! :-)

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Placement Calls

We got a call for placement of an 8 yr old boy yesterday that we have been toying with. Do we or don't we. It really is older than what we are looking for and he's a local boy from our small town. Well I just found out this boy's dad graduated from highschool with hubby. I don't think we want to take him for this main reason. This isn't a family that I think we want to be involved with even if this placement is somewhat voluntary on the parent's side of things. Has anyone ever taken a child that you know the family. It's not like we are "Friends" with them - just acquaintances at best but the town he is from is a mere 8 miles from our house and the only place that we go out to eat at. We are the only *****&**** that live around here. I don't mean that I am scared of the family that they would do anything harmful if they were sober but they do like their alcohol and people do stupid things when they are drinking. HELP PLEASE!!!

2nd call was today from our AASK worker. She has a 6 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy that need to be moved ASAP. Bio mom has a TPR already/ bio dad TPR is scheduled for June 3. They have been in foster care since March 06. Girl has attachment issues (duh! what foster kid doesn't?) and boy at this time doesn't have any diagnosis. I feel bad to say that I'm not even excited at this point. I did tell her to put us on the list of interested families but this will be the 5th call we've received from our worker in 3 months for a child(ren) and none have worked into a placement for us yet. Guess we'll just wait and see what happens.

Then there's the question, what happens if we accept this placement and the birth family due in July chooses us??? What then???

Update on BirthMom due in July

Ok, I received a call from the sw who is working with the birth mom/dad that are due in July. She called to let me know that they haven't seen any of the family bios yet cause birth dad is just coming to meet with her for the first time this week. She said they will be looking at the families and should get back to us in the very near future! I verified with her that she got the update that hubby no longer smokes! Finally! Hopefully he can keep up with that now! He quit one time before for 1 1/2 years and then started up again! I was sooo mad at him but I learned in a hurry that harping on him would do neither of us any good. This time he quit and I actually didn't even notice for about 2 weeks! He never smoked around me (unless we were out in the yard working and I could get far enough away to not smell it) or in the house or vehicles or anything so I just never paid any attention to the fact that he wasn't doing it. I'm sooo proud of him!

Keep praying...I was beginning to get a little worried since we hadn't heard anything at all but I think the prayers are working!

We also are waiting for a packet in the mail to get on the waiting list with our local Catholic Charities Infant Program. They only place 3-5 babies a year on average but they also don't have a long waiting list. I know this doesn't mean a whole lot because the birth parents could still choose someone other than us, but someday SOMEONE will choose us, RIGHT???

Week 1 Weigh In

Well truth be told - I didn't lose any weight but I also didn't gain any either. I have done VERY well at cutting out the sweets though so I know it's only a matter of time and I should be starting to see some improvement on the scale.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother's Day Give-a-way

Hey everybody - Click on the link in the sidebar and head on over to 5 minutes for Mom and enter their Mother's Day giveaways.....we all deserve something special on that day.

This will be a sticky post until May please scroll down for current posts.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Not tagged officially, but decided to participate anyways...

I was reading PrayingforBaby's blog (I dont' know how to put a link right here but I have her under my "Blogs I read" on the sidebar) and found this post. She tagged anyone who wanted to play along so I thought....what the heck.

Here Are The Rules:
1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Ok, so here are some random facts/habits about me....

1. I hate BUGS...doesn't matter what kind they are or how big they are. I hate them, hate them, hate them and don't you dare ask me to kill one even if you want me to step on it with my shoe! NO WAY!

2. I am one of the PICKIEST eaters in the world. My father-in-law and brother-in-law get so mad at me sometimes cause I won't eat what they make. My mom has learned and if she makes something and she knows I won't eat it - she just tells me to bring something else with or at least warns me ahead of time. Some people think I am rude but I am who I am and I can't help it. I've always been this way and always will be this way. I very rarely will try something new. I like what I like and that's about it.

3. I played the piano for 10 years thru elementary/junior/high school and I HATED it. Now I am happy that I can sit down and play and thankful that my "mean" parents made me take the lessons for so long.

4.I am not a "city" girl. I grew up in the country and lived in the city for a short time in college (ok about 3 years total) and I am not a city girl. I can not stand to have neighbors right next door being nosy and wanting to know all your business. Before I officially moved in with hubby I paid $300 a month for an apartment that stored by things but I could not stand to live in it. UGH! I love my country life. It may limit what I can do on short notice (i.e. if I want to bake something - gotta plan for it - there's no running to the store in a hurry ~25 miles away) and we do get snowed in once in a while but I wouldn't change it for the world. Our home and my father-in-law are the only people who live on our road and he's 1 1/2 miles away. I LOVE IT!

6. At age 16, my parents became legal guardians to my 18 year old ex-boyfriend. We dated while he was a junior/ senior in highschool and he was a foster kid. After turning 18 his foster family kicked him out and we remained good friends. He needed some help with paperwork,etc with applying to college and getting assistance and he asked my mom and dad if they would be his legal guardians and they agreed. He had a rough life....found his dad when he was 13 after his dad committed suicide...found his brother E at age 17 after he committed suicide. He came from a family of 9 kids however when mom remarried and R and E, were left behind when the family left the state.

7. I was a cheerleader nerd in highschool. Most people think that the cheerleaders are the "cool" kids. Well not in our highschool. We weren't exactly full fledged "nerds" but we were not the "cool" kids, that's for sure. If you weren't on the danceline in our school - you were not cool. We actually were booed off the floor at a pep rally becuase the danceline was performing after us. We were good too - we won our state competition 4 years in a row while I was in highschool.

8. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the ripe old age of 18 (and 2 days after moving to college dorms and starting cheerleading practice) the first time. At the age of 22 (and 3 weeks before I got married) the 2nd time. At the age of 27 "pre-cancer" cells were found again and I am currently waiting until Nov to have anything done about it because afterall (in the doc's words) "It's only PRE-cancerous cells so we have to wait and see if they go away on their own!". GIve me a break...with my history??? Maybe with someone who's never had this before. The first time - the removed 80% of my cervix. The 2nd time - the remove 40%.

People I've tagged (please don't feel like you have to go along with this but I'm still somewhat new at this and don't have too many blogger friends yet....

MamaKBear -
Susan -
Yondalla -
Mungos_mom -
Wanting my House to Be A Home -
Me -
Glouise -
Trials-Tribulations of Adoption LaLaLand-

I know I'm supposed to comment on your sites and let you know I tagged you and I PROMISE I will do that on Monday if you haven't already found this post, but I started this on Wed 5/9 and it's now 5/11 and it's 5:30 pm and I need to get this posted but it gets any older. For those of you new to my blog who I tagged - I hope you don't mind. I found your blogs online and by all means - you don't have to participate. IF there's anyone reading this I didn't tag - please feel free to go along with this....leave me a comment so I can get to know people better.

May Day Weight Loss Challenge

Ok - check out the button on my side bar. I just found it today so I'm a day late but better a day late to start then never, right???

1. Weight Loss goal - 15 pounds
2. Weight History - Highest weight 152 lbs...lowest weight 119 lbs...current weight somewhere in between.
3. How to achieve this goal - I am going to cut out the "junk" food (i.e. candy! my weakness!) and I'm going to exercise for a minimum of 10 min per night 3 nights per week.

I hope I can accomplish this. I've wanted to for a long time. I have sooo many people tell me that I do not need to loose weight; however, I am doing this for myself. My hubby has had some issues in the past with feeling secure in our relationship and he for one is not very supportive. After all, I am 5'10" tall and I know I don't 'need' to loose the weight but if I want to for myself to be happy, is there anything wrong with that? I'm not doing it for anyone but ME! I want to be selfish for a change and think of ME! What's so bad about that? Afterall, I have always had to compete with my twin sis and she's always been the "skinny" one. Bikini season is coming and I want to loose a few pounds and tone up. Here I go...

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Need your prayers.....

We were notified yesterday that there is a birth mom/birth dad that are due in July that want to give the baby girl up for adoption. Both parents have some mental issues and know that they cannot care for the child. We have sent off all our information as well as a couple family pictures and now we wait.....and wait....and wait.....I'm sure there are some of you out there who know exactly what I am feeling right now. I'm trying to not get too excited because, heck, we've been down this road before just not with an infant and I do know that there were many families interested in this child but how do you not get excited at least a little bit???? The paperwork states that the family wants a semi-open adoption. Well in our state I know you can't list any "promises" to the birth parents on the paperwork but for those of you out there, what kind of open adoptions have you done and how do they work for you? To what extent are your adoption "open".

Please keep us in your prayers that things go our way. I'll keep you posted as I know more and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts.