Monday, May 21, 2007

Trying to come to terms....

Ok. Tomorrow is my bday and although I'm not "Old" I am having a hard time with this. I used to look forward to my bday but for some reason this year it is really bugging me. The alternative to not having a birthday is not a good one so don't get me wrong, for that reason and that reason alone, I am glad it will be here in less that 8 hours. On the other hand, I think one of my main "hang-ups" with tomorrow is that last year at this time, i received a present from my "daughter" that said TO MOMMY! This year there won't be any MOMMY gifts and that is hard to swallow. This weekend my twin sis's little boy came up to me and said "Auntie, you share your birthday with my mommy. WHY???". He was so cute about it. I tried to explain it to him and he just kept saying, "BUT WHY?"" How do explain being a twin to a 3 yr old?

When will it be my turn to have someone excited because it's their mommy's birthday? And don't tell me, my time will come cause I know that but it doesn't make it any easier to handle at this exact moment. Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Another year, come and gone and I'm really no closer to being a mommy now than I was 5 years ago. So I'm married now, and yes a licensed foster parent, and yes an approved adoption home with AASK, but nothing. We still haven't heard on the placement calls we got last week (or was it the week before, I don't remember). It doesn't help matters that today has got to be one of the boringist (is that a word?) days at work. Seems no one is in the mood to buy a car today. The weather is hot and humid with t-storms this morning. My van had a flat tire on it so had to get that fixed today. Hubby's truck comes in to the shop to get painted tomorrow....bills...bills...bills. What next.

Ok so enough of my pity party for today. Hope everyone has a good week.

1 comment:

Kathy said...

I'm new to your blog, I found it via Trace's blog.

Some days are definitely harder than others, when it comes to waiting to be a mom. Birthdays (and holidays) are always the hardest.

I sympathize with you, and understand how you're feeling. Top the infertility with life's daily "fun", and it can be frustrating and make you feel pretty down.

I hope that you will feel better soon.