I'm still feeling depressed and

I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!

Yet again, I'm taking some cash outta my pocket and giving it to my employer so that the salesman can sell a car and the business can make a profit. (Not literally, but my commission is based on a percentage of the total finance reserves less bank fees. So for example, when our wonderful GM agrees to a $700 bank fee and we only had $300 in reserves, it's a big whopping (-$400) against my commission. As if this isn't bad enough...the deal originally had a $1900 bank reserve on it. SO not only do I now get hit with the bank fee, I lost $1600 in bank reserve from the original deal. This is due to the fact our salesman INCORRECTLY recorded the customers gross monthly income and so upon trying to prove that income - it was discovered that it was $6000/month less than originally stated.) Last month I "gave" the business $40 on 1 deal! Am I wrong for being just a little perturbed???? What's wrong with this picture??? I didn't realize how much I was PAYING my employer to let me work here.

Last night JP was a BRAT on the way home. He didn't want to listen at all. Report cards came home yesterday and he has a lot of "N's" on his. N standing for Needs Improvement. Ok, so we know he is extremely delayed but I was trying to work with him on learning our phone number on the way home. (Remember - it's 25 miles so we had plenty of time). He all out REFUSED to even try. What a brat. I'd say...say 2-4-2 and he would say 4-2-6. or whatever. You get the point. He just would say numbers that were totally not what I was saying. We've tried this before and I know he knows the 1st three numbers. That's all I want him to learn at this point and yet he doesn't even try. I blew up in the car at him. I told him I was tired of the way he was treating me. He shows me no respect and he doesn't treat daddy this way. He doesn't even act like this when daddy is around. Just mommy and it's not fair to mommy. I didn't do anything to him. I am just trying to help him and his teacher said he needs to learn his phone number. He's a big boy in Kindergarten and needs to do his homework. He got very quiet after that. I know i shouldn't have lost my temper but it has been a long time coming. I watch the way the kids act when Hubby is around. It's totally different than when I am around alone. The mornings getting ready are the worst! I can NEVER please them.

Then Hubby got a not so nice report about little Miss Emilee during the AS program yesterday. She was running around SWEARING (yep my innocent little girl said naughty words) and hitting a boy. When we tried to talk to her about it..she got FURIOUS with us and told us she didn't have to talk about it. She said another little girl MADE her say those naughty words. Ok, whatever. Then at bedtime she thru and all out fit crying and screaming and yelling and throwing things at the top of her lungs. When i finally had had enough, I had Hubby stand outside her door so he could hear what I was saying and I went in to talk to her. I asked her what her issues were. She told me she didn't know. I told her if she didn't know what was wrong, then there was no reason to be throwing such a fit. She stopped instantly. She asked if she still got to go trick or treating. I asked her if she thought she deserved to go? She said No. I told her I would make that decision based on how she acted the rest of the night and how her day in school was today. We'll see if we are going or not when she gets home from the bus tonight about 4pm.

I really don't know how much more of this I can take....