Monday, October 29, 2007

Feeling crummy

Ok, this is your warning..I'm having a horrible day and I'm going to just vent...

I hate my job. (did you figure that out from the last post??)
I hate my job.
I hate my job.
(I think you get the idea).

I'm tired.
I'm tired of the crap people are pulling here at work.
I'm tired of the kids' behavior issues.

I need a break from my job.
I need a break from my kids issues. (notice I didn't say from the kids)
I need a break from everything going on in my life.

I cry at the smallest thing. Something that would normally make me laugh, is making me cry. I have too much on my plate right now but I don't know how to get anything off my plate either. There isn't really anything that can be taken off right now. It's only going to get worse too with the lovely holidays coming up.

I am being taken advantage of at my job and I know it and I'm so tired of people backstabbing other people around here that I could scream. Our office manager/HR director is the worst! She thinks her poop doesn't stink. I have gotten a certain part of my job given back to me 3 weeks in a row. It always has the same stuff on it and it's stuff that SHE needs to do. Payments she says aren't made, are made. She just needs to book them. incentives she says haven't been claimed - have been. I have the proof that it is done from my end. It's her end that needs fixing but you can't tell her that. She was complaining to another lady in the office about me and saying, "Well I guess I'll just have to do it myself". I showed P the stuff - she knows it's not me. I then went to our GM and talked with him. He had a nasty note from HR about me. I didn't do it - it's HER not doing HER job. Mine is done. If I was wrong...I'd take the blame and do the corrections, but I can honestly say...IT'S NOT ME!

This am JP would not eat breakfast. He was awake at 6:20am and was told to go back to bed and that made him mad so that was the end of a good morning. I'm sorry buddy, but there is no reason that you are up at 6:20am! (I usually wake them about 6:50-7:00am). I heard him in his room playing instead of laying down like I asked him to do, but I never went in there because I was choosing my battles and that wasn't one I wanted to fight today. When I finally went to get him, he refused to take his medicine. Then he had to go to the bathroom (you could set you clock by him going to the bathroom - I know TMI). He litterly played in the bathroom for 15 minutes by just sitting on the toilet. UGH! By now it's 7:10am. I asked him if he wanted to eat breakfast.

Me: Let's get up to the table and have a poptart and some juice
Me: You need to eat, honey. It's a long time until lunch at school.
JP: I don't want to eat.
Me: Ok, then get in your room and get dressed first. Your clothes are on your bed.
JP: I don't want to get dressed
Me: You don't have a choice. You have school today (Leading him to his room)
JP: I wanna eat breakfast.
Me: You told me you didn't want to. Get dressed first - then get up to the table and eat.
Me: Whatever (walking away)
JP: (in his room) I WANT TO EAT FIRST!
Me: Get dressed first. Then come and eat and you need to hurry up. (It's now 7:20am)
Me: JP - It's your choice. Either dress yourself and come eat or I'll dress you once I'm ready to go and by that time there won't be time for you to eat. You choose!

So I go finish getting ready for work and getting Emilee ready for the bus. Then I go check on him and he's still sitting on the floor in his bedroom in his underwear (which happens to be a pull up right now because we have had some poop in our underwear EVERY day for the last week.)
I feel a little guilty sending him to school in a pull-up but at least in Kindergarten they have a bathroom right in their room so it's a single stall and he doesn't have to be embarrassed. Yet, if he's pooping in his underwear in school...that's GROSS!

I'm worrying about how I'm going to tell the kids that they are going to a respite home. I know what that is going to bring for behaviors but I NEED a break. I'm worn out. Mentally, physically, emotionally...I can't do this much more without something. Hubby helps out but he's super busy at work with harvest and was working until 11pm 4 nights last week. When he is home, he is busy trying to get the yard ready for winter. I don't blame him for not being in the house much...the yard does need a lot of work before the snow flies. I wish I could help him but I can't trust the kids in the house by themselves and when they leave their hats/gloves in their lockers EVERY NIGHT, they can't play outside. JP is CONSTANTLY losing his stuff and it's ending up in the lost and found at school. I thought 3 hats/pairs of gloves for each of them would be enough...guess not. What am I supposed to do when they don't have anything at home to wear to school on their head/hands each morning? I feel terrible sending then with nothing on, but I can't keep going to buy them more and more just because they can't seem to bring it home.

I probably need to try to find someone to talk to that really understands how I am feeling. Hubby tries, but he just doesn't get it sometimes. My family listens but they don't understand.
I'm just really feeling depressed today. Hopefully the kids will be better tonight and things will go more smoothly. I'm going to email the place where I applied for a new job and see if they have made a decision or have any questions. Maybe that will help my mood; yet I'm scared to get turned down. If I don't ask, then I can still have hope, right???

1 comment:

Trace said...

Yup, depression,pity-party here. I just had a loong post about the holidays and the crap on my DI blog. A much shorter one on the adoption blod since I got blasted before about being too negative.

I don't like my job much either, but we decided I should stay at the job for as long as possible because if I switch the salary will probably be lower.

You've decided on respite care for a little while? How long? Are you and your husband going to have some romantic time during the respite?