Thursday, July 26, 2007

Relief FINALLY and kid issues

the heat wave has broke at least for today. It's still in the 80's but it's raining so that is helping matters. It is supposed to be back in the 90's for the weekend but the humidity is supposed to be gone so that is what matters. I like hot weather. I just hate the humidity.

Well on the kid issue side of things. Last night was horrible. Let me first say that originally bedtime was 8pm. Then we moved it up to 7:30pm because the kids just seemed extremely over tired all the time. At their old foster home bedtime was 7pm. About 2 weeks ago we started our bedtime routine at 7pm so the kids were in bed by 7:15-7:20pm and we could read them a story. If they waste time and don't get ready as we ask, then they lose their story time. No matter what, they are tucked in bed, lights out by 7:25pm. We've been having issues with Emilee going to bed ~ or should I say NOT going to bed~ since day 1. Well lately it has been getting worse. Last night was it for me. First she didn't want to eat supper. It was "gross". However, the night before she had 2 helpings of the hotdish and told me it was her favorite. Then she got mad at me because I wouldn't let her have a brownie when she wouldn't eat supper. I told her to finish her hotdish and she could have a treat. Nope, she didn't want to do that, she just wanted to eat a brownie. Sorry, doesn't work that way Sweetheart! Plus Hubby has been busy haying so he hasn't been around lately and I think that is part of the problem. She knows she can get me going if she keeps at it long enough. Last night she hit and kicked me repeatedly. Hubby happened to call while we were still fighting about bedtime and he talked to her. Then he came home and talked to her again and she finally gave in and went to sleep. This was after we had been at it for 2 1/2 hrs. I don't know what to do with her. I could write every little thing she did /said to me but I would be here all night typing and you'd be here all night reading so I'll save you that headache. I actually am getting to the point where I hate to get done with work at night because I know what kind of evening I'm going to have. I told Hubby last night that at this point, I will not be accepting them as an adoptive placement if TPR happens tomorrow. We had Perm Plan over 2 weeks ago and I still don't have a date for our first Therapy appt and they want me to accept placement in Aug??? I don't think so. I'm not saying that I'm giving up on her or that we are for sure NOT going to adopt them; but maybe us backing down from accepting the placement at this point in our journey will get a fire lit under their butts and get us some of the services that these kids need. After all, it's been almost 8 weeks since they came to us. Other than changing the time they go to bed by 1/2 hr, the routine is still the same. They can't tell time anyways, so they really don't know that it's earlier unless I say something that night.

Kids have issues. Kids are not perfect. I know this. However, they do come with baggage and when we don't know what that baggage is and we're getting no help, I can't do this alone. I even have some resentment towards Hubby right now because he's not around. I know that it's not really his fault. Our cows and his dad's cows will need this hay this winter, but his little brother could get off his lazy little butt (it's not so little - the kid wears size 38 waist jeans) and help. It would do him good. Right now, I NEED Hubby at home with me and the kids.

I am also wondering if something in Emilee's past happened to her at night/bedtime. Was she abused? I don't know. Her sw doesn't think so. So why is it EVERY night at bedtime, we have these MAJOR issues????

Last night when she was yelling at me and telling me how much she hates me and doesn't want to live with me anymore, I looked at her and said, "Well, you know what. Keep it up and I'll call SW and tell her to come get you because right now I don't want you here either". That was wrong of me, I know it so you can refrain from commenting about it. But it was 2 hr + into our fight and I had just been kicked/hit and didn't care anymore. This morning, she was pretty meek and mild and didn't say to much to me. I'll let her cool down and we will need to sit down and talk but last night was it for me. I do not deserve to be hit and kicked. It's not like it was an accident. She did it on purpose.

UGH! What to do....what to do...what to do???? Guess we'll see what happens with TPR tomorrow.


FosterAbba said...

You know, I can totally understand why you would say that to your kid after being hit and kicked for 2+ hours. I'd probably say something worse, so don't feel bad about it.

Hitting is definitely not okay, and we've come to the decision that children who repeatedly hit us won't be safe to stay in our home. Now it's one thing if it's a five year old having a temper tantrum, but in our case we deal with older kids whose assaults could potentially be very dangerous.

Hang in there. And sometimes the verbal "shock and awe" treatment is really what is necessary.

Heather said...

Hang in there. Keep talking to her. It may seem like they are not paying attention, but they are. I'm wondering if your instincts may be correct and if something did happen to her at bedtime. Or if it's one of those things where she's so busy all day that she doesn't think about what's going on in her life, and at bedtime, she gets to stop and think and with the tiredness it gets overwhelming to her.

And don't feel bad about what you said. We all say things when we are frustrated. I've said a few things to my DD and I think she knows that's when she's gone to far, because later she is so repentant.