Saturday, September 22, 2007

I'm going crazy

I don't know how to move on from Hubby's accident this week. He's ok and he'll be fine. It will take time for the bumps/bruises to heal, but he will be just fine in time. My problem is that I can't sleep at night because I have having HORRIBLE nightmares. All the "what if's" that could have been and see what I think must have happened. Plus he's refusing to get back behind the wheel at all. I know it was tramatic and I know things will take time but I have no idea how to help him or myself get thru this. I have slept a total of 11 hours since Monday night. I'm worn out. My nerves are shot. At least Hubby admitted yesterday that he can't buy a red pickup as he was originally talking about. I couldn't bear to see him get back in a red pickup in the morning especially if it was foggy out. I don't want to let him outta my sight at all. Coming to work is so hard for me. I must go back to him 5-6 times and tell him I love him and get a kiss. He gets so frustrated with me. I know I don't / can't fully understand how he feels cause I've never been in an accident in my life but he also doesn't/can't fully understand how I am feeling. The love of my life / my best friend could have been so easily taken from me in a moments notice this week. This would have also affected the kids not only in that the only dad they really know would have been taken from them by a car accident, but how could i take on these kids without Hubby here with me? I don't know what I would have done.

The kids still are asking lots of questions and I am not sure how to answer them. Emilee is VERY scared that mommy or daddy will be in another accident and not come home now. She doesn't want us to leave at all either. Poor thing....she's got enough issues to deal with and now this is on top of that. It's been a rough week all around.

Anyone got any experience with this???? I'm open to any / all idea's you have. Hubby and I have tried to talk about things but I can't even put into words exactly what i am feeling so how could he understand when I can't explain it????

1 comment:

Yondalla said...

I have two related experiences. One was that my hubby was in an accident that cold have killed him 15 years ago. It took a long while for me to get over it. I don't remembered exactly how long, but a long time.

When Andrew was six he witnessed a near drowning. His anxiety about everything went through the roof. He started to watch over his baby brother all the time. I said things like, "It's my job to watch the baby, not yours." The he would ask, "What if you are not watching and I am not watching and something bad happens?" To which I replied a hundred times, "That would be very very sad and it would be my fault because it is my job to watch the baby."

We finally took him to a child psychologist for advice to deal with it when he was worrying about EVERYthing. The psychologist taught us to be pretty matter-of-fact about it. We learned to acknowledge but not dwell. If he said, "Could our house get taken away by a hurricane?" We would say, "Is that a big worry, or a little worry?" He would say that it was a medium size worry and then we would just say, no there were no hurricanes here, and then we would change the subject.

I think he did ask what would happen if something happened to both of us. Learning that his favorite uncle had already agreed to take care of him helped there.

It won't be easy because of course the kids sense your fear too, but you know that.

I don't know if any of that helps.

I just know that dealing with these things is not easy.