Life is going on

We have FINALLY settled with the ins company. Did we get what we wanted? Sort of. Once the adjuster found out that we weren't looking for him to pay off our loan in full - he came up to the dollar amount that we were looking for. What I "forgot" to tell him was that our vehicle service contract refund was also being sent to the bank and after that was applied, we were only $200 shy of paying off the loan with what we had settled on for a $$ amount with the ins. Oops...that slipped my mind.... LOL. I'm not stupid. I've worked in this business long enough.

We also picked out our new truck last night. It was a weird feeling to see Kenny driving a truck again. We deal directly with the GM of our local dealership and he knows he needs to give us a good deal as I work for the local Ford dealership and well my boss did agree to find us exactly what truck we wanted even if it was GMC. Well we are getting a good deal and are able to put all the accessories on that we want and still keep our payment almost $100 less per month than what we were paying. Guess it makes a difference to buy an 2007 in Sept 2007 versus buying an 07 model truck in Feb 07. Now the rebates/special financing rates are out cause they want to get them off the lot. We will sign all the lovely paperwork and Hubby will pick up the truck tomorrow afternoon. He's like a kid in a candy store....can't wait to show it off. One thing we learned...we are taking a pic of it right away brand new. We had done this with all our other trucks...why? I don't have a clue but he did it. Well we never got one of the red truck. So guess what I am going to do???? Yep - bring the camera with tomorrow and take a pic of the red one that is on the lot that looks identical to what we had (minus all the accessories that we added to it). Ok, so I'm a dork...oh well.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD

my new niece!!! At 11:20am this morning, our family grew by 1. ___________ __________ was born weighing 7 lbs 6 oz and was 20 1/4 inches long. I can't wait to see a picture of her on the hospital web page since i can't make the 2 hr drive down there to see her. The weird thing is.... at 11:15am I remember looking at the clock and thinking...it shouldn't be much longer! How wierd is that??? My mom asked me if the "TWIN" thing kicked in this morning at all. I told her I didn't feel any "pain" for my sister but for some reason, I knew it wouldn't be much longer until I got the call. (Sis called me at 11;45am to tell me she was here).

I gotta come up with a name for her yet on here. I'd love to put her real name on here because it's so pretty but you know how it is....don't dare at this point.

OK, so now that I got my excitement out there....the truth is the excitement is kinda short lived. Now I'm jealous of my sis! Like I've said before, they had a tough road getting their 4 kids (they buried their first born) and I love my nephew & now 2 nieces to pieces but it's still hard as you all understand. I will be babysitting my nephew (3 1/2) and niece (10 months) for the upcoming weekend and then sis and new baby will come visit on Sunday. That's ok....one day will be enough. Now what do you buy someone for a baby gift who A. has EVERYTHING and B. is technically homeless right now while their brand new house is being built????

One week ago

my life changed forever. Thankfully all is well but I'm still a changed person. Sleep is something that I am now getting a full night of again. Those images will forever be in my head. The sight of our truck sitting in the ditch/corn field...Hubby sitting on the passenger seat of one of the first responders pickups covered in blood (sorry - gross i know).....The ambulance guys loading Hubby onto the backboard and into the ambulance. Some of you have been thru similar situations...you know what I am talking about. I will be so happy to get this claim settled and get a new vehicle and start to move on. Nothing will ever change how I feel now inside. I truely realize now how fast your loved one can be taken away from you. Things you take for granted...telling your spouse/kids/family that you love them. To this day, I don't know if I told Hubby that I loved him that morning. I mean we do that every morning, but I don't REMEMBER doing it. Did we? Or were we in such a hurry that it just didn't get said. Not that it wasn't meant...just didn't get said? I'll never know. I am hopeful that in the days to come, my obsession with knowing where he is at all times will fade. Up until now, if he didn't call me when he got to work... I really didn't care. I just always assumed he was there and I would call him at noon and we'd talk and who really cared? Now we both panic if the other doesn't call when we think they should. He calls when he gets to work. I call when I leave home. I call when I get to work. I call at noon. He calls when he leaves work. He calls when he gets home. I call when I leave work. I know which way he is going to work and home from work. He knows which way I am going. Do we have OCD now???? If I don't know where he is I go nuts. I can't think straight until I find him and talk to him. Am I going nuts?????

Oh and yes we are STILL FIGHTING the insurance companies!

She ran away....

at least she didn't go far though. Em had a very bad morning. Let me back up a minute...

JP had a tough day yesterday. Not sure what his problem was or what started off the bad day but he had picked his nose until it bled Sat night. Then Sunday am - he peed in his pants in bed right after he had been in the bathroom! The rest of the day was a struggle for all involved. Emilee had a great day yesterday. She was polite and listened to all we asked her to do. I was supposed to go see a friend of mine who lives in Denver, CO and was back to ND for the weekend and hubby was going to come with me (yep - i still don't want to leave him). We were going to get a babysitter. Well with how JP was acting, we couldn't leave him with anyone so Hubby decided he would just stay home and I could go alone. I didn't want to do that for several reasons (weather forecast being one of them) so I called my friend and told her I wouldn't be able to make it. I guess I realized yesterday that as a parent you don't always get to do what you want to do. The kids really do run your life. I really couldn't justify leaving Hubby home with the kids acting like JP was - he was hitting/kicking at us all day and I didn't want him to hit/kick Hubby when he's still healing from last week. So I stayed home. During nap time (yes we are MEAN parents and make them nap when they are being naughty on the weekends) Hubby also brought up a good point. We seem to get a lot of "monkey see- monkey do" when one of them is acting up. The other one has to get the same attention and usually has a bad day the following day.

Hubby said, "You know how Emilee is going to act at bedtime tonight - don't you?"
Me: Yep - guess I do. Just wish we would be wrong about it

Well bedtime came and we weren't wrong. She started in with her naughty behavior. It wasn't like she didn't get any attention during the day. I made a point to tell her all the things she was doing well during the day and thank her for all the help she gave to us but I guess it wasn't the type of attention she wanted. We finally got her to bed about 1 hour after she originally was supposed to lay down. She had finally figured out that she was not going to get anywhere with daddy so she may as well go to bed.

Well that brings us to this morning. She got up on the wrong side of the bed from the get go (keep in mind her bed is up against the wall so there is only one side she can get off and today that was the wrong side!). She refused to eat her cereal so after sitting at the table for 10 minutes and only eating 3 bites I told her I would give her 5 minutes to finish her breakfast and after that - she was outta luck and would have to wait for lunch time. Needless to say the last minute the timer was running she was shoveling the food into her mouth. She got most of the cereal in her before I made her put her bowl away (like maybe she had 2 bites left). Everything I asked her to do - she did the opposite and i just let it slide for the most part. I didn't want to give in to her little attention seeking that she was trying. She threatened to run away and I just ignored her. (remember - they threaten all the time and they are only 6&5)

Then I went to use the bathroom and when I came out I asked JP where his sister was and he said "I don't know". I looked all over the house and then went outside and yelled for her. She didn't come around. I then noticed her peeking at me from behind our cat/dog house (it's 7 feet tall). I took her her school bag (as the bus was coming down the road) and told her to have a good day at school and we would talk about her behavior tonight. Here's how our conversation went:

Me: Emilee - here's your school bag. You DO NOT EVER hide from me again. You know better.
Em: I'm sorry mom.
ME: I'm sorry doesn't cut it Emilee Rayanna! You had me scared. Have a good day at school and we will talk about this tonight with daddy.
Em: I'm not going to school.
Me: Yes you are.
Em: You can't make me.
Me: Here is the bus. You are getting on it and going to school.
Em: I'm sick - i can't go to school.
Me; You are not sick. Now go get on the bus (remember - she just told me "I'm sorry" about 30 seconds before this)
Em: I'll just run away from school and you won't know where I am
Me: (taking her hand and walking /almost dragging her to the bus) Good Morning Mrs Bus Driver - Emilee is having a bad morning and would like to sit right behind you today. Please be sure she gets off the bus in the right place.
Bus Driver: Good morning Mrs. NDFosterMom. I would love to have Emilee sit right behind me today. I will be sure Mrs. B (principal) walks Emilee to her classroom. (Smileing at me the whole time!)
Me; Thank you. (Giving Em a kiss on the forehead) have a good day dear. We'll see you tonight.

I then went in the house and called my bil before he got on the bus to have him keep an eye on her on the bus for me. I also called the school and gave them a heads up and then her sw and let her know.

Man she had me scared to death this morning when I couldn't find her. They both have threatened to run away when they are mad at us but this is the first time she has done it and now I worry that JP will try it next time he is mad. UGH! Kids! I can't wait to get them into a routine of therapy! They need it so bad.

I just called the school and talked to the secretary. She said Em was very calm when she was in the office this am with the principal. She also told me she would call me back after lunch and let me know how she was doing. I am just so worried about her. What are we going to do if she starts this running away stuff??? I don't know if I can handle that? We've been getting notes from the teacher quite frequently. I don't want her labeled as the "trouble/problem" child. UGH!!!! Stress is not something I handle too well right now.

But to everyone out there - HAPPY MONDAY!!

I'm going crazy

I don't know how to move on from Hubby's accident this week. He's ok and he'll be fine. It will take time for the bumps/bruises to heal, but he will be just fine in time. My problem is that I can't sleep at night because I have having HORRIBLE nightmares. All the "what if's" that could have been and see what I think must have happened. Plus he's refusing to get back behind the wheel at all. I know it was tramatic and I know things will take time but I have no idea how to help him or myself get thru this. I have slept a total of 11 hours since Monday night. I'm worn out. My nerves are shot. At least Hubby admitted yesterday that he can't buy a red pickup as he was originally talking about. I couldn't bear to see him get back in a red pickup in the morning especially if it was foggy out. I don't want to let him outta my sight at all. Coming to work is so hard for me. I must go back to him 5-6 times and tell him I love him and get a kiss. He gets so frustrated with me. I know I don't / can't fully understand how he feels cause I've never been in an accident in my life but he also doesn't/can't fully understand how I am feeling. The love of my life / my best friend could have been so easily taken from me in a moments notice this week. This would have also affected the kids not only in that the only dad they really know would have been taken from them by a car accident, but how could i take on these kids without Hubby here with me? I don't know what I would have done.

The kids still are asking lots of questions and I am not sure how to answer them. Emilee is VERY scared that mommy or daddy will be in another accident and not come home now. She doesn't want us to leave at all either. Poor thing....she's got enough issues to deal with and now this is on top of that. It's been a rough week all around.

Anyone got any experience with this???? I'm open to any / all idea's you have. Hubby and I have tried to talk about things but I can't even put into words exactly what i am feeling so how could he understand when I can't explain it????

100th post!!

Oh yipee!! Anyways, just thought that was cool. 100 times I've bored you people with my life. Thanks for continueing to read on.

Anyways....an update on hubby. He's doing pretty good. I FINALLY convinced him that he needs to be further checked out by a doc though for his hip/neck issues. We need something in writing from a medical professional that he is having issues. He said he's only going to the doc to make me happy. Well guess I don't care why you are going - just that you are is what matters. I know he's going to have neck issues for MANY MANY Days/months/possibly years to come and why should we pay for that???

As for insurance companies - what a joke! We talked to both our ins company and the other driver's company. Get this....Hubby(as of our conversations yesterday) was 40% at fault because he didn't physically stop at the intersection to be sure no one was coming. Now remember, this is an unmarked intersection and he could see to his right that no one was coming. Yep - but he should have stopped and looked left since it was partially obstructed by corn. Give me a break. Now today they (the other ins co) have come back and decided on 80/20 for a split. Ok, better but not there yet. That means that our premium will go up for the next 5 years due to this 16 yr old's inexperience. Not going to happen. Boy am I a biatch!

So now we're in a holding pattern. If they came up 20% in one day....maybe tomorrow they will accept 100% of liability???? Who knows...it's worth a shot at this point. Plus the first figure our ins company gave us for the pickup as a settlement was ridiculous! Come on people, I'm no dummy. I have worked in this industry for over 5 years now. Go Screw someone else.

I'm Counting my Blessings

OK I debated about posting these pics. But I want people to know how important it is to WEAR YOUR SEATBELT. This is our 2007 GMC Sierra with 10,000 miles on it. Purchased Feb 2007. We were very proud of this truck. We have to work our butts off to make the payment but it WAS such a pretty truck. This past weekend I was just telling hubby how he got the inside of the box scratched up and he was like- "As long as it's just the inside of the box - who cares? Afterall, it's a pickup and I'm going to use it as a pickup!" Well now it has a few more scratches on it.....
Yesterday morning I got the call NO ONE wants to get. It was 6:45am! I was getting ready for work. Em was eating breakfast. JP was still sleeping. It was Hubby. I've been hit. Can you come up here. To make a long story short....A 16 year old driver failed to yield to her right. Hubby was on a County Road (gravel) and girl was on a township road (gravel). The corner was somewhat blocked by corn. He saw her at the last minute. She hit him on the drivers side door area. They both spun around and he ended up rolling at least 2 times and you can see where he landed. Without Hubby wearing his seatbelt, I would be a widow today. I still get teary eyed when I think about that. He is ok. Bumped/bruised/cut up/scratched up and has 2 broken fingers/lost 2 finger nails, but alive! The other driver is also ok. Bumped/bruised is all. Someone was sure looking out for Hubby yesterday morning! PLEASE - if you don't wear your seatbelt - Put it on! They do save lives! I know I can't make you - but we have always faithfully worn ours and I will NEVER get in a vehicle without putting it on no matter how far we are driving. It was foggy yesterday morning at our house so hubby figured he'd take gravel to town "so no one would hit him". We didn't know what was to come! It wasn't even foggy where the accident happened. The fog had lifted by that time. He was only 12 miles from home.

Back to Real Life

and wishing I was still on "vacation". Although I was happy to get home on Friday afternoon, it didn't take long to wish the week hadn't went quite so fast. It seemed to drag on at the time but MAN....was it relaxing for the most part. Peace & quite was never so enjoyable! I came home to find out Em had had a tough week in school and at the afterschool program and had been disciplined many times for not listening. UGH! Welcome to parent hood, right??? JP left his "ears" on the bus and didn't want to listen to anything I said on Friday night/sat am. I was never so happy to take them to Grandpa's house on Sat afternoon so we could go to my mil's wedding. And I had only been home with them for 24 hours!

So my mil got married on Sat to the man that she cheated on my fil with. I have a problem with her wearing a white wedding dress (maybe I'm just old fashioned but doesn't white signify purity???). She has 3 grown (ok they are 35,34, &14) kids. I also cringed at the words "Love, Honor & Obey...forsaking all others......" during the ceremony. Afterall, she CHEATED on my fil with this man! I know this is normal wedding lingo but it just didn't fit this situation. OH well. His family (son & granddaughters) were in the wedding party. We were Host/Hostess & hubby's sis was the guest book attendant & little brother was a gift carrier. Not that I care but as host/hostess our job was to set up the tables under the BIG TOP (think circus here). We were not included in any family pictures or anything. Little Brother & Grandma Anna & mil's brother & his wife were all seated at the head table during the reception. We didn't even get a chair to sit on! Finally once the dance started, she came over to talk to us. Needless to say Hubby's sis had left the place LONG before that. I did ask for a picture of us with her and she did oblige us. Such a nice lady! So then her new hubby whom I will call Step Dad even though we will not refer to him in that way in "real" life came over to talk to us. He invited us out for sunday dinner sometime. We will go and make an effort. After that - it will be in their court. I told Hubby that i was VERY disappointed at the wedding at how much we were NOT included in the celebration. I thought this was a turning point but I guess not. I'll see what happens in the future. I really want her to be a part of our lives and a part of our kids' lives, but I can't force it on her. All i can do is continue to invite her to our family functions and see what she chooses to participate in.

Checkin' In

Well I am enjoying my week away. The massage was WONDERFUL!!! If I could have afforded it, I would have another one before I head home. Oh well, guess I just have to be glad I pampered myself with one.

I am getting VERY homesick though. Glad tomorrow is FRIDAY and I am headed home in the afternoon. I have enjoyed my time but it's been a long lonely week too. My room is so nice. I have 2 queen beds, a sitting area by the balcony, chairs and table on the balcony over looking the lake (what a view!) and my own REAL fireplace. No gas one for me - they even stock the room with firewood and matches and everything! Tuesday night I had a fire and sat infront of it and watched tv. Would have been nice to have Hubby with me, but then again, that would defeat my purpose of this "break" right? I plan another fire tonight while I study for my final exam tomorrow. Whomever does the best tomorrow wins a VERY NICE jacket and I want the jacket!

I also decided that next time Hubby and I decide to take a litte getaway by ourselves, I think we just may come here. We'll have to save up though, because it is $200+ per night! OUCH!

Enjoy the rest of your week and hopefully it won't take me too long to catch up with everyone!

Leaving for a week

I am leaving today at noon for a week of meetings/school/training for my job. I'm excited to go. I really NEED a week of "respite". I feel a little guilty for feeling this way, but the last 3 months have been very stressful. Plus this past weekend, I don't know what JP's problem was but he's now in the stage of "I don't have to do that." "I don't want to" "You can't make me". Didn't matter what it was, he all out refused to do it. I was happy to have hubby home. I think sometimes he gets tired of me saying "The kids did this...the kids did that". Well now he got to see exactly what I see on an every day basis. Plus now he's got them all to himself for the WHOLE WEEK! (just wait - they will be angels for him now that I am gone this week).

I know I will be homesick by Tues night, but I am going to enjoy this as much as I can. It will be Friday before I know it and I will be back home with no "respite" trips for a LONG LONG time.

I am getting a FULL BODY MASSAGE this afternoon. Yes, I could do that here at home for 1/3 of the price but this is in a real spa - not just some therapist who works out of their home. Not that that means anything, but I want to pamper myself a little. After all, I deserve it! (don't I?)

Ok, like everyone else, I am going to ask you not to blog anything this week cause it will take me FOREVER to catch up with everyone! LOL! Have a good week. If I have computer access (It is a resort that we are staying at so I am hoping I do) I will check in later this week.

What happens now....

Today I received update case plans from our AASK worker. They have a timeline on them for what we are required to do by what date and what she is required to do and by what date. She has finalization set for Feb 2008. The earliest we can finalize is Dec 6, 2007 because the kiddos have to be here 6 months which is on Dec 5, 2007. She does state that things can move along quicker if we so choose. We'll see what the therapist has to say once we get the initial appointments out of the way and make a decision as to how quickly we want this done. In a way...I will be ready for it to be over so we can begin life as a true family and not be under someone's watchful eye anymore.

The kids also have case plans now with AASK. Their's are so cute! I, JP/Emilee, want to be adopted by Jody & Hubby by Feb 2008. I agree to .......... and it listed different things they need to agree to and then lists what the sw will do for them and by what date.

Oh my....this is really going to happen!!!!!

Hubby & I will look at all the forms tonight and sign them to make everything a go.

TPR News and Home Visit and other stuff

Ok so everyone is waiting for more info on the TPR (or at least I want to believe you are out there waiting to here) so here it is. Bio dad was caught telling a lie under oath. He then hung up the phone (if you really wanted your kids back - wouldn't you make an effort to actually show up for court versus being there by phone???). They tried to reach him repeatedly but couldn't. Court was then dismissed. The verdict came in last Thursday morning and that's that. I have not heard that dad is trying to appeal anything as of yet. We'll see what happens though.

We had a home visit from our local sw last night. It went pretty well. I knew it would. She's pretty laid back when it comes to this type of thing. She asked a bunch of questions about how things were going and that was about it. She wanted to just see how we interact with the kids and to be sure we weren't living in a filth house. (I'm no spotless house cleaner - but I do like things in order). Oh and I even had 2 bowls of cucumbers on the counter as the kids were eating when she showed up and she didn't care!!! One bowl had ranch dressing on them and the other had vinegar/sugar on them. Oh and the bread bag was open on the counter and butter dish was on the table as the kids wanted buttered bread with supper too.

I have to be thankful that our county is not as nit-picky as what i have read about some of your counties. They have their issues that's for sure but at least they aren't so invading of privacy and outrageous when it comes things out on the counter during meal times/meal preparations and etc.

Yesterday I was a "STUPID MOM". Know why????? I made Em eat breakfast before going to school! Darn it - and I must be mean too. Shame on me. To stick up for her - I don't like to eat as soon as I wake up in the mornings either, but we only have 30 minutes to get ready for the bus and so therefore, she NEEDS to eat. They eat lunch at 11am but she can't wait that long. Maybe someday she will realize I'm only trying to do what's best for her though. Every step she took out to the bus yesterday she was yelling "STUPID MOM" a little louder each time. (To top it off - the bus driver had some windows open on the bus. Great! Now I can only wonder what went thru her mind yesterday as my sweet little girl walked out there yelling that. Kids! Gotta love them to death! (Update - by the time I picked her up from my fil's last night - she apologized and told me I wasn't stupid! She just didn't like the cereal I had poured in her bowl!)