Friday, June 15, 2007

I HATE YOU...

these were the words that I heard last night from "JP". It broke my heart to hear him say them. When I got to daycare to pick them up last night, my daycare lady told me that "JP" had a bad day. He was jumping on the furniture and had to be disciplined. He knows better so I was a little embarrassed that he acted this way, but then again -he's 4 years old. I don't know if I've ever said this but my daycare is also 1st cousin to my mom so I've known her FOREVER. It really is great. She is a breast cancer survivor and I wish I could be half the woman she is and I'd be happy. She also watched my nephew when my brother and sister-in-law lived in town so I've been stopping by there lots the past few years. Anyways she has no set hours that she is open so that is really nice. So on the way home last night I asked "JP" how daycare was cause the kids were outside playing when she was telling me what happened. He told me fine and then "Emilee" told me that "JP" got in trouble. I told her that i wanted to hear it from him and then he said he didn't do anything and "Kappy" yelled at him. I then started to explain what I was told and he said she was lying. Well, sorry - I knew better than that. It was already 7:30pm when we got home and they usually are in bed by 8pm anyways so we started getting ready for bed right away. Well "JP" wanted to play. I said NO, it's time to get ready for bed. He then preceded to try and slam the bathroom door in my face and it hit his step stool he uses to wash his hands and then bounced back and hit the wall. Luckily we have a door stop on the wall so it didn't do any damage, but this about got my goat! I was not a happy camper at this point. He then preceded to spit his toothpaste on the floor instead of in the sink....Yep I'm almost seeing red by now. Then he stormed into his room and slammed that door. (Yep flames are brewing). I helped him put his jammies on since he refused to do it and then put him to bed with his arms and legs flailing all over the place. I gave him a hug and kiss and told him I loved him and left the room with him screaming "I HATE YOU. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE! I WANT TO LIVE WITH PAPA and B" (his old foster home). Yep now the tears are rolling down my cheeks.

"Emilee" didn't quite know what to think during this whole ordeal. So now I'm crying and she is wondering why? I wiped my tears and put my mind to getting her to bed. Well since she didn't eat much supper at daycare because she claimed she didn't like it (they had roast/potatoes/gravy and we had just had that last weekend and she said it was her favorite) she was hungry. By this time it's already 8:20pm. I gave her a couple of crackers and a glass of juice and then it was off to bed. She has a habit of wanting to sleep with us (which we have NOT let her do) and so gets out of bed 10-15 times before she actually settles in for the night. By the time she was in bed to stay it was after 9pm. Then we were in the "I WANT MY REAL MOM" stage and she was crying.

Then hubby calls to see what I'm doing because he had went to his dad's before we got home. I had planned to take the kids down there for a little bit but I didn't think that they really deserved to go after a bad day at daycare. I know what happened at daycare was dealt with there but it was late and we are still trying to get used to our sleep schedules and I thought it was best to just go home and start the bedtime routine. Anyways, he tells me that they aren't going to be perfect kids and that I am too hard on them!! WHAT??? So am I being too hard on them? Because I make them go to bed at 8pm because they are up between 6:30-7am? Because after 1 week in our home I think it's time to START enforcing some rules? If we let them continue doing what they want for too long - it will be VERY tough to enforce the rules later on, don't ya think? I'm still pretty new at this with older kids so I'm open to some comments here. My comment to him was that if he didn't like how I handled things, then he needed to be in the house a little more to help out with them. He hung up on me.

UGH! Welcome to foster care with kids old enough to know what's going on....and goodbye "honeymoon" period! (But I'm still lovin' every minute of it!)

3 comments:

Yondalla said...

I had a trainer tell me once "there is no such thing as a honeymoon. That early period is observation and assessment."

It helps me to think of the second stage as research. They have to know how you will react when they are naughty. They need to know what you are like when you are angry. They will not relax until they are certain that you will not throw them away even if they are very, very bad.

It isn't easy, and they do keep coming back to this stage, but that they are going through it is a good thing.

Kathy said...

I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time right now. I know I've read about all of the adjustment period, the tantrums, the everyone getting used to the situation, etc...and that's the part that scares me the most. You know it's going to happen, but it has to be hard when it does.

We had our second visit with our little girl, and it went wonderful...but I am really stressed over when she comes to live here, and I have to discipline her. I know it will happen, even though she's sweet as can be now, and I dread it. I know it has to be done, especially to help her understand that we're in control and that she can depend on us...but it's going to be the hardest part of parenting for me. So, I feel for you...and I can understand your pain.

Hang in there. Things will calm down and the kids will come around in time. I know it's hard though, and my heart goes out to you.

(((HUGS)))

Faith said...

wow. just wanted to say hang in there...we're right there with ya. New to parenting older kids and in the adjustment part with the oldest one right now. That was very good comment from yondalla...helped me. thanks for posting, i hope your situation smooths over soon!