Another appt at the EDI this morning. This time with the MD. She says I'm on a trend they don't like to see....(AKA - I'm still losing weight.) Since my first appt 3 weeks ago today, I have lost 4 1/2 lbs. Since my appt last week I have lost 1 1/2 lbs. The sad thing is that I LIKE IT! I found myself smiling when she told me that. I start seeing the psychiatrist weekly next week. The dietician biweekly. The md - monthly unless necessary more often. She said she will give me 3 1/2 more lbs to loose before we need to make some drastic changes (i.e. inpatient treatment). I looked at her and laughed...and just where does she think that fits in MY schedule????? I know I need to take care of myself and it really scares me to think about how happy I was that the scale had went down yet again. This is A LOT harder than I thought it would be. I went into treatment thinking that with someone else to talk to who truly understands, I could lick this thing in a hurry. That is not how things are working out and it's frustrating to me. I feel like all I've done for 3 days is eat and yet I've still lost 1 1/2 lbs. I'm GOING CRAZY! I walked out of the clinic this morning with another girl. We were making small talk about how long we had been going to the EDI and the whole time I was thinking....man I wish I was as skinny as you are! She was only about 5 feet tall though so I know that makes a difference (I'm 5'10") but still. Why am I so fixated on this this time? I just don't understand. Hubby actually sounded concerned when I talked to him after the appt today. I told him that I had lost another 1 1/2 lbs and see said, "But you have been eating better. Is there anything else wrong with you?" So I know it's not all in my head that I have been eating better - he has noticed it too. Maybe he is coming around on all this.
Well I was going to make this a quick update and it turned into a book. I gotta get back to work.
6 comments:
I'm glad you've got a plan in place for "what if" and that all those little ducks are getting lined up in a row. Given the situation, you're doing everything right, from what I can see.
I know the last thing you want to hear is "take care of yourself" so instead I'll just say I'm here if you need me.
I am glad your getting the help you need- I can't begin to know what your going through but that it is tough. I am sorry you have to go through it on top of everything else. I trust that you will pursue what you need to the fullest- and do what your told- :) Hang in there- it is a rough road from what I understand- but you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself now before it gets really bad. All I can offer is don't beat yourself up on your feelings- you really can't control them- you can just replace them with new ones- new tapes to spin when you start hearing yourself say- things like Yea i lost more- figure out what works for you- find a mantra or something to remind yourself that you are taking positive steps and don't want to sabatoge it. Hang in there!!
Oh Jodi... Be careful.
I'm glad you're getting help, but I'm really sorry you're struggling with this. I'm probably not the right person, but I'm here if you ever need to talk.
You went public! On purpose, right?
Totally filled up the box on my blog with new posts!
Oh hun--I know how tough this must be. Well, actually...I have no idea how hard it is. But I feel for you.
If the doctors want you to do the inpatient program, I'm sure you can work something out with the hubbs/kids...you need to take care of "you" before you can focus on everyone else.
Always here, let me know if I can help!
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