Well the boys are still here. They really are good kids. We have had NO behavior issues at all. Not even an ounce of an issue. Granted...they are still pretty new but they seem to be adjusting pretty well.
Biomom had court today. Her parents made bail for her so she's out. Kids' may go home soon. That's the best thing in my world...I just can't ask to have them moved when I know they will go to family (whether it be mom or grandparents) as soon as they can.
I go to the doc tomorrow. I'm nervous as heck. Picked up the phone 3 times today to cancel the appt but never actually made the call. I guess that is a good thing. I am averaging 10-13 exchanges per day since July 29. THat's approx 600 - 780 calories per day. Not good but I can't seem to shake this. Am I headed back to Inpatient??? I don't know. I wish this wasn't so hard.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
A new placement (Yep...just what I needed!)
So last Thursday afternoon we got a call for an emergency placement for 2 boys. 7 yrs old (8 in Sept) and 1 yr old. Good Kids...bad situation...(duh or they wouldn't be in foster care right?) Anyways, the sw called today to tell me that they have been instructed by law enforcement to keep the foster family COMPLETELY anonymous. Hmmm...now that scares me. We ALWAYS want to be anonymous...however...why are the COPS the one saying we HAVE TO BE ANONYMOUS????
Let's just say the family is involved in WAY MORE than I care to know about and they are not from this country.
So...eating is still not going well. Kenny and I are doing ok. He's taken a more interested aspect in my life....not sure if he can tell that I'm not doing good ED wise or what but I'll take it one step at a time. I've lost more weight. I'm only 6lbs from where I was when I was admitted to the hospital. And I have 8 more days until I can get in to see a therapist!
Let's just say the family is involved in WAY MORE than I care to know about and they are not from this country.
So...eating is still not going well. Kenny and I are doing ok. He's taken a more interested aspect in my life....not sure if he can tell that I'm not doing good ED wise or what but I'll take it one step at a time. I've lost more weight. I'm only 6lbs from where I was when I was admitted to the hospital. And I have 8 more days until I can get in to see a therapist!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Private Yet again
Ok...so my life is TOTALLY screwed up. I have gone private for many reasons. It's not like I am posting much on here but for my own safety...I need to be private. To make a long story short....I had to contact the police yesterday regarding a former co-worker who has been harrassing me to no end and started with some minor (if there is such a thing) threats yesterday.
Then my hubby told me that it is because of the way I dress that this sick old man (he's 50!....sorry for those of you in that age bracket but I'm only 29....I am NOT INTERESTED in a 50 yr old man) is being this way. As if it's MY FAULT that someone is practically STALKING me! Go figure. Hubby and I had it out last night. As you all are well aware...things have been rocky for a while. I've got A LOT to think about in the next few days/weeks.
My weight is dropping....fast. I haven't been to therapy for a month or so. I did call today and make an appt but I can't get in until Aug 13. UGH! I hope I'm not too far in the hole by then. Part of me wants back in IP or PHP treatment (inpatient or partial hospitalization) to get back on the right track but then I also feel like I am "hiding" from the real issues that are causing my ed. Plus part of me doesn't know if I WANT to fight ED anymore.
I'm just really not in a good place right now and now my best friend/my hubby is not there to support me right now. UGH! I give up.
Then my hubby told me that it is because of the way I dress that this sick old man (he's 50!....sorry for those of you in that age bracket but I'm only 29....I am NOT INTERESTED in a 50 yr old man) is being this way. As if it's MY FAULT that someone is practically STALKING me! Go figure. Hubby and I had it out last night. As you all are well aware...things have been rocky for a while. I've got A LOT to think about in the next few days/weeks.
My weight is dropping....fast. I haven't been to therapy for a month or so. I did call today and make an appt but I can't get in until Aug 13. UGH! I hope I'm not too far in the hole by then. Part of me wants back in IP or PHP treatment (inpatient or partial hospitalization) to get back on the right track but then I also feel like I am "hiding" from the real issues that are causing my ed. Plus part of me doesn't know if I WANT to fight ED anymore.
I'm just really not in a good place right now and now my best friend/my hubby is not there to support me right now. UGH! I give up.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Oh Yeah...I have a blog
Ok, so I know I have been VERY BAD AT BLOGGING LATELY! and I'm sorry. My heart just isn't in it right now.
On top of what I told you guys about last month...we've had some more good news turn sour. We were chosen by a young lady who some friends of our knows that was pregnant. She is 19 yr old. She was due Dec 31! She miscarried this past Tuesday. UGH! I had myself prepared for her to change her mind...I knew all the risks of things...I just NEVER thought she'd miscarry! I should know better. She was 17 weeks along. It was a boy! UGH! I'm really struggling right now. Although he wasn't our baby yet...I feel like I've lost a son. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
Please bear with me as I take some time for myself. Things on the home front are VERY STRESSFUL right now. My ED is winning the battle (again) and I need to focus on me. It's just so hard right now. Plus to top all that off, hubby's cousin from Florida is home with her little boy. THey had a big family get together last night and announced that M is pregnant. Great! Just the news I wanted to hear. Needless to say I left shortly after that and hubby came home with his dad.
Please email me any news in your life that I need to know about. I am thinking about all of you VERY OFTEN!
On top of what I told you guys about last month...we've had some more good news turn sour. We were chosen by a young lady who some friends of our knows that was pregnant. She is 19 yr old. She was due Dec 31! She miscarried this past Tuesday. UGH! I had myself prepared for her to change her mind...I knew all the risks of things...I just NEVER thought she'd miscarry! I should know better. She was 17 weeks along. It was a boy! UGH! I'm really struggling right now. Although he wasn't our baby yet...I feel like I've lost a son. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
Please bear with me as I take some time for myself. Things on the home front are VERY STRESSFUL right now. My ED is winning the battle (again) and I need to focus on me. It's just so hard right now. Plus to top all that off, hubby's cousin from Florida is home with her little boy. THey had a big family get together last night and announced that M is pregnant. Great! Just the news I wanted to hear. Needless to say I left shortly after that and hubby came home with his dad.
Please email me any news in your life that I need to know about. I am thinking about all of you VERY OFTEN!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I told you so
The first thing I told my therapist when I started treatment for my ED was that I was scared to death that me seeking treatment would affect our ability to adopt. Well guess what????
Last Wed (yep the day of my last post- 18th of july) I got a letter in the mail from our adoption agency. I thought to myself...oh great...what's this...our denial letter??? Guess what it was...Our denial letter! To quote part of the letter...
"Due to Jody's treatment and the difficulties your family is going thru...we find it in our best interest to close your adoption file with our agency. IF in the future you still want to adopt a child thru our organization, please feel free to contact me and we will discuss the POSSIBLITY of re-opening your file".
Give me a break! What a load of crap. The letter was filled with a bunch of untrue statments. I called them last Thursday and talked to the director. She said she would call me back this past Monday. Guess what??? She NEVER called. I called her Tuesday and Wednesday. I will be calling her again in a few minutes! UGH!!!! I'm not giving up this dream...but it is SOOOO hard to go on!
Last Wed (yep the day of my last post- 18th of july) I got a letter in the mail from our adoption agency. I thought to myself...oh great...what's this...our denial letter??? Guess what it was...Our denial letter! To quote part of the letter...
"Due to Jody's treatment and the difficulties your family is going thru...we find it in our best interest to close your adoption file with our agency. IF in the future you still want to adopt a child thru our organization, please feel free to contact me and we will discuss the POSSIBLITY of re-opening your file".
Give me a break! What a load of crap. The letter was filled with a bunch of untrue statments. I called them last Thursday and talked to the director. She said she would call me back this past Monday. Guess what??? She NEVER called. I called her Tuesday and Wednesday. I will be calling her again in a few minutes! UGH!!!! I'm not giving up this dream...but it is SOOOO hard to go on!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Thoughts
I've been thinking a lot lately about what Mandy is going thru. (Mandy if you are reading this...please know this may be difficult for you to read sweetie!)
Eight years ago next month, my family was faced with the same type of tragedy. My twin sis found out at 28 weeks that her baby had died. She went thru labor and delivery. Her and her hubby and my parents all held "Logan". Then 4 days later, we had a small private family funeral. It was a VERY tough time for our whole family. Some days, I think infertility is a blessing. I can't imagine going thru what my sis and Mandy are having to deal with. I can understand to a point as I have been as close as possible, without it being my child. I went thru a period of HATING my sister for what SHE had done. When in reality...it wasn't her fault. No one could be "blamed". God does things for a reason. There is a reason that he called "Logan" home before we ever got to meet him. Maybe there was something "wrong" and God knew his life was better with him in heaven. I don't know why God does what he does, but I can only believe he knows what is best. We celebrate "Logan's" birthday every year. We know he is still with us in our hearts and watching over us. He is celebrating with my grandpa's in heaven now. I'm jealous that he gets to have hugs from my grandpa's and I don't. Anyways, I can't imagine losing "Logan" after he was here on earth. That would be so much more difficult (in my opinion).
I learned that just being there when my sister wanted to cry on my shoulder. Listening when she wanted to talk. Acknowleding that she did lose a child (some people don't agree with us) and that she needs time to mourn. Helping her celebrate his birthday every year. Remembering him on Memorial Day. It all matters. And just give that person a BIG HUG!!
Eight years ago next month, my family was faced with the same type of tragedy. My twin sis found out at 28 weeks that her baby had died. She went thru labor and delivery. Her and her hubby and my parents all held "Logan". Then 4 days later, we had a small private family funeral. It was a VERY tough time for our whole family. Some days, I think infertility is a blessing. I can't imagine going thru what my sis and Mandy are having to deal with. I can understand to a point as I have been as close as possible, without it being my child. I went thru a period of HATING my sister for what SHE had done. When in reality...it wasn't her fault. No one could be "blamed". God does things for a reason. There is a reason that he called "Logan" home before we ever got to meet him. Maybe there was something "wrong" and God knew his life was better with him in heaven. I don't know why God does what he does, but I can only believe he knows what is best. We celebrate "Logan's" birthday every year. We know he is still with us in our hearts and watching over us. He is celebrating with my grandpa's in heaven now. I'm jealous that he gets to have hugs from my grandpa's and I don't. Anyways, I can't imagine losing "Logan" after he was here on earth. That would be so much more difficult (in my opinion).
I learned that just being there when my sister wanted to cry on my shoulder. Listening when she wanted to talk. Acknowleding that she did lose a child (some people don't agree with us) and that she needs time to mourn. Helping her celebrate his birthday every year. Remembering him on Memorial Day. It all matters. And just give that person a BIG HUG!!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I'm still alive
It's really been a long time this time.
JP is gone. I think about him often, but can't do anything about it so what else do I do but move on???
Emilee is at a psych hospital about 1/2 way across the state from us. She went on my birthday (how ironic).
Our niece stayed with us for 2 weeks (May 25-June 4). That was fun. She is 5 yrs old. Her sister (who is 10) will stay with us from July 5-July 18. That should be fun also, but the 10 yr old has an attitude!! Yipee!
I'm doing ok as far as my ed goes. Some days are better than others. I go back to outpatient once a week. I'm not sure how long I will continue that. If gas prices continue to climb...I will not be able to afford to drive up there for treatment. We'll see what happens.
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On a sad note...please stop by No Swimmers and give her some hugs. She found out today that her twins have no heartbeats! :-( My heart is just breaking for her!
JP is gone. I think about him often, but can't do anything about it so what else do I do but move on???
Emilee is at a psych hospital about 1/2 way across the state from us. She went on my birthday (how ironic).
Our niece stayed with us for 2 weeks (May 25-June 4). That was fun. She is 5 yrs old. Her sister (who is 10) will stay with us from July 5-July 18. That should be fun also, but the 10 yr old has an attitude!! Yipee!
I'm doing ok as far as my ed goes. Some days are better than others. I go back to outpatient once a week. I'm not sure how long I will continue that. If gas prices continue to climb...I will not be able to afford to drive up there for treatment. We'll see what happens.
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On a sad note...please stop by No Swimmers and give her some hugs. She found out today that her twins have no heartbeats! :-( My heart is just breaking for her!
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