and I only have to work until 12noon. :-) Then I'm off to Emilee's Xmas Program at school. Should be fun. As I told one of you already today...being able to say "I'm here to watch MY DAUGHTER, Emilee" will be so great. It's that happy feeling that makes my other feelings so hard to deal with and makes me feel so bad about the other feelings...but I'm not going to go there today. I want to be happy today!
The weekend sounds like it is supposed to be BURRRRRR cold so good day to do some baking tomorrow. THen on Sunday, weather permitting, we are having Christmas with my mom's side of the family (she has 1 brother who has 2 living children & their families and then my grandma.) Should be fun - i just love family gatherings with this side of the family (NOT!).
Anyways,hope everyone has a great weekend and for those of you with cold temps like us...STAY WARM!
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
The diagnosis is in...
on my van. Needs a new heater core. Thank goodness for extended warranty's. Since the van was a "GM certified used" vehicle when we bought it (with just over 6000 milse on it) it has Manufacturer warranty to 39010 miles and then it has a Vehicle Service Contract on it until 75000 miles or something like that. Guess how many miles are on it...36100! Yep normally, my warranty would have expired 100 miles ago. Then again, had it not been CERTIFIED USED with the extended warranty, we would not have bought it or I would have traded it off already. I've never kept a vehicle (since the day I have bought my own vehicles) past 2 years and for sure have never driven it without a warranty on it. Yep, I'm my parents kid. They trade vehicles every 2-3 years MAX and so that is what is engraved in my mind. Hubby's 03 pickup we had for 4 years (March 03-Feb07) with a Vehicle Service Contract purchased on it for coverage up to 100,000 miles and we were glad to have the contract when the light behind the gas gauge went out and we had to replace the complete instrument cluster for 1 light bulb! Yep $3000 repair - that made our $1700 contract well worth it and that's not the only time we used it.
So where was I before I went off about Hubby's truck....hmmm.....oh yeah, so now they think the van MIGHT be done tomorrow afternoon. I told them that I was leaving town at noon tomorrow and so if it wasn't done by then, I wouldn't be able to pick it up until Monday morning. He said to call him before I leave town. I would like it back. We are forcast for MORE SNOW this weekend.
Last 7 days....Sat (1st) 8+ inches
Tues (4th) 2+ inches
Thurs (6th) so far about 1 inch and it has now quit
Sat/Sun (8th/9th) forcast for more
Yep...gotta love ND!
So where was I before I went off about Hubby's truck....hmmm.....oh yeah, so now they think the van MIGHT be done tomorrow afternoon. I told them that I was leaving town at noon tomorrow and so if it wasn't done by then, I wouldn't be able to pick it up until Monday morning. He said to call him before I leave town. I would like it back. We are forcast for MORE SNOW this weekend.
Last 7 days....Sat (1st) 8+ inches
Tues (4th) 2+ inches
Thurs (6th) so far about 1 inch and it has now quit
Sat/Sun (8th/9th) forcast for more
Yep...gotta love ND!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Time to empty my brain...
As my "cluttered mind" quiz showed, I have too many things going on in my brain. I should talk to a therapist. I know that. I do have plans to do that. I've started my New Year's Resolutions (or at least listing them) and seeing a Therapist is one of them. I'm just not sure where that would fit into my OVERLOADED schedule right now. So for now...I'm laying it out there to all of you. (and You're welcome in advance! since i know you will all say THANK YOU to me for having you suffer thru reading all this!)
I've been following a lot of my fellow bloggers currently seeking fertility treatments and that has me thinking a lot lately. What if we had continued with our treatments? Hubby (ok, I'm stuck with that name for now as my brain does not have room to be creative right now) wasn't too keen on the idea of using a donor; however, using him is not an option. Maybe after this trek thru the foster care system, he would feel differently. Would we be parents now if we had continued with treatments? Would we be parents now if we had went ahead with the adoption agency when we first went to their meeting 3 years ago? What if...what if...what if.
What do I want? I want to be a forever mom to an infant. (Ok, before i go any further with this, I want to remind you that I do LOVE Emilee and JP. I do WANT to be their FOREVER MOM. I just want MORE than that). Although I didn't think being pregnant was such a big deal...the more I think about it, the more I think I want to experience it. It's not like it's a MUST, but it is something I want to experience. I want to know if all the things my sister wined/moped/b**ched about is for real. I want to be up in the night feeding my child and bonding with MY child. I want to hear that child call me MOMMY and not have to share that term with anyone else. (I know - I'm selfish) Especially when it has a negative meeting when applied to the other party. When we had G and she called us Mommy and Daddy, it was so wonderful. She didn't know any different. I want to see their first smile, hear their first giggle, I want to smell the "clean baby" smell after a bath, I want to see the first roll over, the first crawl, the first steps (ok we saw G & L take their first steps and that was SO AWESOME!). Does any of this make sense?
But now on the other hand...how will Emilee and JP react to this? Is it fair to bring a biological child into this mix of things? Will Emilee and JP resent us for it? Emilee wants a baby in the house, but what happens when it's a baby that NEVER leaves? Will she still handle it ok?
I know right now we have enough going on in our lives. It's not that I want to run back to the doc right away and start up fertility treatments or anything (although I DO WANT to do that...I know it's not realistic right now). We need to get Emilee and JP settled, we need to get their issues stabilized.
I know Hubby and I need to discuss this too. But like I said, bringing it up to him right now just wouldn't be worth it. There is far too many things going on now. That's a conversation for us to have after the holidays. But I also know what he'll say...Emilee and JP are enough to handle. They are...but is that enough for me? That is the question and I really don't think it is.
I'm also not getting any younger. I'm 28,Hubby is 34. Yea, we can wait a few more years but if we wait too long...what will that do for our chances? I don't know. No one knows.
I read everyone's blogs about getting babies in foster care. Originally Hubby and I had said we wouldn't take any child over the age of 4 due to the "baggage" that they usually come with. We'll we've done it and I'm always the one who pushed him and said, we should take the kids. With Emilee and JP, it was no different. I wanted them. According to what we were told their issues were, they were minor. Well as we've learned since they came to us, certain parts of their history were left out of the info we received on "accident". I don't believe for one minute that those parts were left out on "accident" but that's beside the point now. Had we known what we know now, I can't say that we would have taken this placement. This is the exact reason why we didn't want to take older kids. I'm not ready to deal with all this. Now I have no choice. The kids are here. THey have no family. They have no parents in a sense as all rights have been terminated. Now I almost feel "stuck" with them. Yes I could call the county and tell them they have to move them but what good would that do the kids? Afterall, we do foster care FOR the kids. They NEED us. So why do I feel so bad and so "stuck" by all of this?
Oh and to top it all off...my van went to the shop today due to NO HEAT! Guess that's a problem when you live in ND with highs in the single digits and low teens above zero. No wonder I couldn't keep my windshield unfrozen on the way home last night in the freezing rain.
I've been following a lot of my fellow bloggers currently seeking fertility treatments and that has me thinking a lot lately. What if we had continued with our treatments? Hubby (ok, I'm stuck with that name for now as my brain does not have room to be creative right now) wasn't too keen on the idea of using a donor; however, using him is not an option. Maybe after this trek thru the foster care system, he would feel differently. Would we be parents now if we had continued with treatments? Would we be parents now if we had went ahead with the adoption agency when we first went to their meeting 3 years ago? What if...what if...what if.
What do I want? I want to be a forever mom to an infant. (Ok, before i go any further with this, I want to remind you that I do LOVE Emilee and JP. I do WANT to be their FOREVER MOM. I just want MORE than that). Although I didn't think being pregnant was such a big deal...the more I think about it, the more I think I want to experience it. It's not like it's a MUST, but it is something I want to experience. I want to know if all the things my sister wined/moped/b**ched about is for real. I want to be up in the night feeding my child and bonding with MY child. I want to hear that child call me MOMMY and not have to share that term with anyone else. (I know - I'm selfish) Especially when it has a negative meeting when applied to the other party. When we had G and she called us Mommy and Daddy, it was so wonderful. She didn't know any different. I want to see their first smile, hear their first giggle, I want to smell the "clean baby" smell after a bath, I want to see the first roll over, the first crawl, the first steps (ok we saw G & L take their first steps and that was SO AWESOME!). Does any of this make sense?
But now on the other hand...how will Emilee and JP react to this? Is it fair to bring a biological child into this mix of things? Will Emilee and JP resent us for it? Emilee wants a baby in the house, but what happens when it's a baby that NEVER leaves? Will she still handle it ok?
I know right now we have enough going on in our lives. It's not that I want to run back to the doc right away and start up fertility treatments or anything (although I DO WANT to do that...I know it's not realistic right now). We need to get Emilee and JP settled, we need to get their issues stabilized.
I know Hubby and I need to discuss this too. But like I said, bringing it up to him right now just wouldn't be worth it. There is far too many things going on now. That's a conversation for us to have after the holidays. But I also know what he'll say...Emilee and JP are enough to handle. They are...but is that enough for me? That is the question and I really don't think it is.
I'm also not getting any younger. I'm 28,Hubby is 34. Yea, we can wait a few more years but if we wait too long...what will that do for our chances? I don't know. No one knows.
I read everyone's blogs about getting babies in foster care. Originally Hubby and I had said we wouldn't take any child over the age of 4 due to the "baggage" that they usually come with. We'll we've done it and I'm always the one who pushed him and said, we should take the kids. With Emilee and JP, it was no different. I wanted them. According to what we were told their issues were, they were minor. Well as we've learned since they came to us, certain parts of their history were left out of the info we received on "accident". I don't believe for one minute that those parts were left out on "accident" but that's beside the point now. Had we known what we know now, I can't say that we would have taken this placement. This is the exact reason why we didn't want to take older kids. I'm not ready to deal with all this. Now I have no choice. The kids are here. THey have no family. They have no parents in a sense as all rights have been terminated. Now I almost feel "stuck" with them. Yes I could call the county and tell them they have to move them but what good would that do the kids? Afterall, we do foster care FOR the kids. They NEED us. So why do I feel so bad and so "stuck" by all of this?
Oh and to top it all off...my van went to the shop today due to NO HEAT! Guess that's a problem when you live in ND with highs in the single digits and low teens above zero. No wonder I couldn't keep my windshield unfrozen on the way home last night in the freezing rain.
Getting to know your friends - Christmas Style
I got this in an email...thought it would be fun to post on here too....
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper – what fun is it to open a bag at Christmas time?
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial
3 . When do you put up the tree? Usually the weekend before Thanksgiving but don’t plug the lights in until Thanksgiving Day (this year it didn’t get up until the weekend after thanksgiving.)
4. When do you take the tree down? 1st weekend in January
5. Do you like egg nog? Never tried it and don’t plan to.
6. Favorite gift received? Sweatshirt from B & D (I was totally shocked Hubby had done ANY shopping that year so that meant a lot to me)
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes (but it’s not up this year – too much other stuff going on – got the tree up –figured that was enough)
8. Hardest person to buy for? My “kids”
9 . Easiest person to buy for? Hubby
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Email what I can – mail the rest
11 .Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Can’t think of any of them.
12 . Favorite Christmas movies? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/ The year without a Santa Claus (can you tell I’ve got kids in the house again this year???)
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I’d really like to shop throughout the year but the time I did that, I lost the gift that I had bought (and YES it’s STILL MISSING 3 YEARS LATER!)
14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Frosted Sugar Cookies (frozen)
16 . Clear lights or colored on the tree? Blue lights (from our wedding dance)
17. Favorite Christmas song? “Sleigh Ride”
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I don’t mind traveling if it’s to my mom and dad’s (9 miles) or Hubby’s dad’s (2 miles) LOL!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes – I was going to put them in here, but then I thought…that gives it away to the rest of you!
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Some each day…afterall, Santa doesn’t come until Christmas Eve
21. Most annoying thing about this time of year? TOO MANY RUDE PEOPLE in the stores!
22. Favorite ornament theme? Snowmen Favorite color theme? Blue/Silver/White
23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Turkey/Mashed Potatoes/Gravy (MOM’s COOKING!)
24. What do you want for Christmas this year? A new digital camera and…a wish that I can’t say because if you tell a wish…it won’t come true!
Ok, I'm going to tag Trace, No Swimmers, and Kathy and anyone else who wants to participate. If you want to leave me a comment - i will link your post to this one (if I can figure out how to do it!LOL)
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper – what fun is it to open a bag at Christmas time?
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial
3 . When do you put up the tree? Usually the weekend before Thanksgiving but don’t plug the lights in until Thanksgiving Day (this year it didn’t get up until the weekend after thanksgiving.)
4. When do you take the tree down? 1st weekend in January
5. Do you like egg nog? Never tried it and don’t plan to.
6. Favorite gift received? Sweatshirt from B & D (I was totally shocked Hubby had done ANY shopping that year so that meant a lot to me)
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes (but it’s not up this year – too much other stuff going on – got the tree up –figured that was enough)
8. Hardest person to buy for? My “kids”
9 . Easiest person to buy for? Hubby
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Email what I can – mail the rest
11 .Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Can’t think of any of them.
12 . Favorite Christmas movies? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/ The year without a Santa Claus (can you tell I’ve got kids in the house again this year???)
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? I’d really like to shop throughout the year but the time I did that, I lost the gift that I had bought (and YES it’s STILL MISSING 3 YEARS LATER!)
14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Nope
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Frosted Sugar Cookies (frozen)
16 . Clear lights or colored on the tree? Blue lights (from our wedding dance)
17. Favorite Christmas song? “Sleigh Ride”
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I don’t mind traveling if it’s to my mom and dad’s (9 miles) or Hubby’s dad’s (2 miles) LOL!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Yes – I was going to put them in here, but then I thought…that gives it away to the rest of you!
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Some each day…afterall, Santa doesn’t come until Christmas Eve
21. Most annoying thing about this time of year? TOO MANY RUDE PEOPLE in the stores!
22. Favorite ornament theme? Snowmen Favorite color theme? Blue/Silver/White
23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Turkey/Mashed Potatoes/Gravy (MOM’s COOKING!)
24. What do you want for Christmas this year? A new digital camera and…a wish that I can’t say because if you tell a wish…it won’t come true!
Ok, I'm going to tag Trace, No Swimmers, and Kathy and anyone else who wants to participate. If you want to leave me a comment - i will link your post to this one (if I can figure out how to do it!LOL)
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
How cluttered is your mind?
No Swimmers wanted to know how cluttered my mind was...so here it is. Now how cluttered is YOUR mind? Leave me a comment and let me know.
Your Mind is 84% Cluttered |
 Your mind is incredibly cluttered. You have so much going on in there, it's hard to think straight. Consider talking to a therapist. It's a good idea to sort through your thoughts, if only to see which ones are worth hanging on to. |
Monday, December 3, 2007
Well the UNofficial Official Amount is in...
At our house we measured 8.5 inches of snow. The kids LOVE it! Hubby got the yard cleaned out using the 4 wheeler and his tractors w/loaders. I finally got all my christmas lights plugged in with extension cords and guess what....they don't work! :-( Guess I'll have to try to figure out why tonight.
I also started by baking on Sat once I got home. I made choc covered ritz bitz w/peanut butter, peanut butter choc kiss cookies, an easy mint candy using vanilla almond bark and andes mints, sugar cookies w/snickers candy bars inside them, and peppermint candy cane cookies. I still need to make frosted sugar cookies, peanut butter balls, choc and vanilla coated pretzels, mint/choc swirl fugde and another batch or 2 of the mint candies. (Can you tell I like mint???) Hubby also put in his order for m&m oatmeal cookies from scratch. Ok, so out of all this, I may eat the mint candies and a few sugar cookies. Otherwise, I don't like this stuff. I just like to bake. THat's my contribution to christmas dinner...the sweets!
Sounds like we are in for up to 6+ more inches of snow beginning tomorrow. Gotta love living in ND!
**********Updated weather forcast...just a snow advisory vs a winter storm watch....BUT (you know there always has to be one of them in there) we are supposed to get FREEZING RAIN first! YUCK. 2 years ago we had a Freezing Rain storm Thanksgiving Weekend and we were without power for 8 days! I DO NOT want FREEZING RAIN!
I also started by baking on Sat once I got home. I made choc covered ritz bitz w/peanut butter, peanut butter choc kiss cookies, an easy mint candy using vanilla almond bark and andes mints, sugar cookies w/snickers candy bars inside them, and peppermint candy cane cookies. I still need to make frosted sugar cookies, peanut butter balls, choc and vanilla coated pretzels, mint/choc swirl fugde and another batch or 2 of the mint candies. (Can you tell I like mint???) Hubby also put in his order for m&m oatmeal cookies from scratch. Ok, so out of all this, I may eat the mint candies and a few sugar cookies. Otherwise, I don't like this stuff. I just like to bake. THat's my contribution to christmas dinner...the sweets!
Sounds like we are in for up to 6+ more inches of snow beginning tomorrow. Gotta love living in ND!
**********Updated weather forcast...just a snow advisory vs a winter storm watch....BUT (you know there always has to be one of them in there) we are supposed to get FREEZING RAIN first! YUCK. 2 years ago we had a Freezing Rain storm Thanksgiving Weekend and we were without power for 8 days! I DO NOT want FREEZING RAIN!
Saturday, December 1, 2007
It's a Winter Storm
I really wish I had a camera that I could take a picture with right now and upload it. We are having our first Winter Storm of the season. I came to work simply because I NEEDED to get out of the house. The drive wasn't too bad but I really wonder how I will be able to get back home. We are expected to get 8+ inches of snow today and winds are blowing too. I'm sitting in my office right now looking out at the hwy that runs just on the other side of our parking lot and the cars going by are getting harder and harder to see. Am I stupid for being out in this, yeah probably but oh well.
Hopefully I can get some pictures at home this weekend and post some next week. Have a great weekend.
Hopefully I can get some pictures at home this weekend and post some next week. Have a great weekend.
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