Going Public

Ok so Yes I went public again. It's been 2 months of being private and I am thinking that my family has forgotten. My family member that found out about my blog has NEVER said anything to me about it and so I'm not too worried anymore. I'll keep you posted if things have to go back private again for any reason.

I'm also wondering....does anyone out there know of any good eating disorder support groups online or blogs about people suffering from eating disorders. As much as all of you have helped me with the infertility/foster care stuff, I'm just wondering if there is anyone else out there with and ED that is blogging.

A quick update

Another appt at the EDI this morning. This time with the MD. She says I'm on a trend they don't like to see....(AKA - I'm still losing weight.) Since my first appt 3 weeks ago today, I have lost 4 1/2 lbs. Since my appt last week I have lost 1 1/2 lbs. The sad thing is that I LIKE IT! I found myself smiling when she told me that. I start seeing the psychiatrist weekly next week. The dietician biweekly. The md - monthly unless necessary more often. She said she will give me 3 1/2 more lbs to loose before we need to make some drastic changes (i.e. inpatient treatment). I looked at her and laughed...and just where does she think that fits in MY schedule????? I know I need to take care of myself and it really scares me to think about how happy I was that the scale had went down yet again. This is A LOT harder than I thought it would be. I went into treatment thinking that with someone else to talk to who truly understands, I could lick this thing in a hurry. That is not how things are working out and it's frustrating to me. I feel like all I've done for 3 days is eat and yet I've still lost 1 1/2 lbs. I'm GOING CRAZY! I walked out of the clinic this morning with another girl. We were making small talk about how long we had been going to the EDI and the whole time I was thinking....man I wish I was as skinny as you are! She was only about 5 feet tall though so I know that makes a difference (I'm 5'10") but still. Why am I so fixated on this this time? I just don't understand. Hubby actually sounded concerned when I talked to him after the appt today. I told him that I had lost another 1 1/2 lbs and see said, "But you have been eating better. Is there anything else wrong with you?" So I know it's not all in my head that I have been eating better - he has noticed it too. Maybe he is coming around on all this.

Well I was going to make this a quick update and it turned into a book. I gotta get back to work.

Ok, I'm brain dead

So I went to CUTE BLOGS but for the life of me I can't figure out how to change mine. Can someone help me???? I even tried to follow her directions and it didn't work. HELP ME!

A New Friend

Today I had lunch with a new blogger friend. I feel like I did a lot of talking and hopefully I didn't bore her to death! She is such a nice person and I look forward to getting to know her better. It's nice to "meet" people online that are going thru the same things as we are but to finally meet someone IRL, is soooo much better. Thank you for meeting me for lunch today!

Now Grandpa and Grandma are "mean" too

Well my brother and sister-in-law and their son came up to visit this weekend too! How fun...my parents get to see 3 of their kids/spouses and 6 of their 7 grandkids this weekend! :-)

However, my sweet little Emilee thinks Grandpa and Grandma are "MEAN" just like her mom and dad. The whole deal is that Emilee was not supposed to have fun this weekend. Well she DID NOT WANT TO GO WITH my brother "Tuffy" and his wife and son today because it would be "boring". But Tuffy and my parents agreed that Emilee should go with them because they don't see her very often and they could spend some quality time together. Oh, I feel so bad that she isn't happy today. NOT!

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Also, before they left my parents' house, my mom called me to say that Emilee was complaining of a headache and wanted some medicine right after my mom gave K some cough medicine. I told her to go ahead and give Emilee some but not the full amount that she should get according to the bottle and then tell Emilee to lay down and rest. Emilee was back up 5 times in 10 minutes that her headache was better.HMmmm...now did she really have a headache??? NOT! I'm getting so smart in my "old" age. LOL! ;p

"You're Mean"

Ok, so that's what Emilee had to say to Hubby last night when she got home and figured out that she wasn't going to friends' house to spend the night and JP got to go. On Thursday it seems my sweet Emilee decided to steal Uncle S's IPod and lie about it. Then she decided to throw a MAJOR fit in school and when her teacher reminded her that she was working towards a reward for the weekend, her response was "I don't care if you send a note home, I will get to go anyways". Sorry little girl, but that's not how it works. By the time I got home from work last night, she had calmed down and didn't say a thing to me about not getting to go to the friends' house and that JP got to go.

Then my sister and her hubby showed up with their 3 kids for us to watch. Then Emilee was glad she didn't go to friends' house because D, K and R were at our house. Too bad Emilee had to go to bed not long after that and didn't get to play too much. I'm so mean!

This morning she got up early and was a big help to me getting the other 3 ready so we could meet my parents in town for breakfast and leave the kids' with them while I came to work. She just doesn't get it that she didn't get to go because of her behavior and she isn't going to play and have fun. She's on restrictions this weekend. She is able to tell us why she didn't get to go to her friend's house but it doesn't seem to bother her. Who knows...we'll see how things go today at my parent's house as she is going to nap right along with the little kids' today.

Life

Well today I had my 2nd appts at the Eating Disorder Institute. I took my mom with me. Not sure if that was a good idea or not. They encouraged me to bring family/friend support so I did that. Mom listened to what they had to say and then on the way back to work here's what took place..

Me: I didn't mean to make you cry up there.

Mom: I know. I'm just worried about you.

Me: I'll be fine. I am taking the steps needed to get better. It's tough. I'm scared. But I know what needs to be done and I'm willing to work on it.

Mom: Well I know your issues aren't due to you thinking you are fat...they are stress related.

Me: Umm yeah you're right.

Didn't she listen to ANYTHING I had to say at the appt? Didn't she listen to ANYTHING the doc had to say??? UGH! I wasn't going to get into it with her then. I took her with. I won't do it again.

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On a separate note, I went back to my MD today (yes I spent 3 1/2 hrs in clinics today and still managed to work 9 hrs) and he doubled my depression meds. The last week has been VERY difficult. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm back to feeling how I did on no meds and I HATE FEELING THIS WAY!!!